PLA Issue #37: Christmas Issue

Released on December 20, 1995

  • PLA Christmas Carols – Colleen Card
  • Send-A-Song Services – RBCP
  • Getting The Most From FACS – RBCP
  • What’s The Deal With The 512 VMB?
  • Ramblings by Apok0lyps
  • Classified Ad
  • PLA Headline News

    Introduction by RedBoxChiliPepper

    T’was the night before Christmas and all around the house, not a creature was
    stiring except for Redboxchilipepper who was rummaging through this innocent
    family’s network interface box, clipping their lines and running a long
    extension cord down the block into his own house so he could call a bunch of
    900 numbers. (Well, okay, so it doesn’t rhyme, sue me.)

    This entire issue is for entertainment purposes
    only. We’re not responsible for your stupidity. We’re also not responsible if
    you don’t find this issue entertaining. (Hey, we’re not responsible for OUR
    stupidity, either…) Oh, and Merry Christmas!

    Would you like to be able to get the 0day PLA? Now you can! I’ve started a PLA
    mailing list. If you’d like to be added to the list or know of somebody else
    who wouldn’t mind being on the list (such as, e-mail
    me at and
    tell me in 1500 words or less, why I should add
    you to the mailing list. (“SUBSCRIBE PLA” is acceptable) You’ll be the first to
    get every new issue, along with updates and the quarterly Phone Book. If you’ve
    ever e-mailed me before, chances are that I already added you to the list. Also
    I’m working on making a new PLA web page so if you want to check that out, try

    To help spread the holiday cheer I included an article that’ll aid you in
    defrauding Send-A-Song so you can send some holiday cheer to your loved ones
    by phone. And to your hated ones, you can send LOTS of holiday cheer, again
    and again, day in and day out for hours straight, song after song, note after
    note until their ears bleed from hearing WAY too much Garth Brooks. So, enjoy
    this issue of PLA and be sure to e-mail some holiday greetings to all the PLA
    members, listed at the bottom of this issue. But first, read this transcript
    of a phone call with the billing operator we had the other day:

    WEST: US West Repair, how can I help you?
    RBCP: Hi, I’m having a little bit of trouble on my line here.
    WEST: Could I get your area code and phone number?
    RBCP: Yeah, it’s 503-xxx-xxxx
    WEST: And what seems to be the problem?
    RBCP: Well, early this morning I went out in my yard and you know the network
    interface box that’s way up by the roof? Well there was some kid up
    there with a big orange phone plugged in so I picked up a brick and hit
    him with it and he fell down and ran off but the orange phone is still
    hanging out of my box
    WEST: Was this a U.S.West employee up there?
    RBCP: No, it was just some kid. I think he was one of those phone phreaks but
    it’s really messing up the reception on my phone and I tried hooking up
    a wire coat hanger and some alluminum foil into the phone but it’s still
    pretty fuzzy sounding.
    WEST: Okay, I can send somebody out there today to take care of it. You say
    there’s a phone hanging out of the box?
    RBCP: Yeah, I would take it down myself but it’s way up there by the roof and
    I don’t have a ladder. There also seems to be new wires running from the
    telephone poll and into the box. I could yank those down but I don’t
    want to get electrocuted or anything.
    WEST: Oh, there’s not enough power in those to electrocute you.
    RBCP: Yeah but there’s also some Christmas lights running from the telephone
    poll into the box and they’re lit up and also the cable T.V. wire is
    going in there and I just don’t wanna touch anything.
    ZAK: And then he hooked up a remote control to the phone and he’s been
    driving it all over the house!
    RBCP: And he painted my network interface box red, too.
    WEST: Am I speaking to William right now?
    RBCP: Yes, this is William.
    WEST: Could I get your street address, William?
    RBCP: I can’t really give that out because it’s unlisted.
    WEST: Well, I have it right here in front of me, I just need to verify that
    it’s correct.
    RBCP: I read this newspaper article about fraudsters who will call you up and
    try to get your pin number and everything.
    WEST: Well, I work for U.S. West, I just need your address and you called me.
    RBCP: The problem is that the four numbers in my address are the same as my
    pin number and the article said that they’ll try to trick you and say
    they work for the phone company.
    WEST: But you called me.
    RBCP: You might have somehow reverse-engineered me to call you. Maybe you’re
    responsible for that kid up in my box.
    WEST: (really pissed now) Sir, is your address 1584 Columbus, apartment C??
    RBCP: Yes, that’s the one.
    WEST: Okay. (typing) You say that there’s Christmas lights hooked up in
    between your phone box and the telephone poll?
    RBCP: That’s right.
    ZAK: And they replaced the phone handset with a bologny sandwhich.
    WEST: I’ll try to have someone out there before five today.

    New Generation Christmas Carols – by Colleen Card

    Find all your old christmas carols, put them in a box and burn them. They’re
    old, outdated and boring. Here are all the new songs that you’ll hear the litle
    brats singing in church this year.

    “Charlie The Lineman” – by Colleen Card
    sung to the tune of “Frosty the Snowman”

    Charlie the lineman had a very handsome hat.
    When he wore it out, all the kids would shout,
    “Someday I will steal that!”

    Charlie the lineman liked to drink beer with the boys.
    He’d listen to a country tune,
    while he’d play with telco toys.

    There must have been some magic in that big green joint they found,
    ‘Cause right away he began to play and ‘ol Charlie danced around.

    Charlie the lineman was as sad as he could be,
    For he’d lost his job when Bell found out that he’d been smokin’ weed.
    Charlie the lineman yelled out, “I’ll be back someday…
    I know some tricks and I’ll give them out!” Oh, this lineman’s gone astray.

    “On Little AT&T Fone Center” – by Colleen Card
    sung to the tune of “O Little Town of Bethlehem”

    Oh little AT&T Fone Center, how many toys you sell,
    They help us to defraud from you even though you wish us well.
    We love you PBXes, your calling cards are grand,
    And in your undying love for us, you still hold out your hand.

    Oh little AT&T Fone Center, your operators are the best,
    They’re nice to me when I make calls, pranking all the rest.
    We make their jobs exciting and some days it is hell,
    And even though THEY don’t accept, you still wish us well.

    “PLA is Coming To Town” by Colleen Card
    sung to the tune of “Santa Claus is Coming To Town”

    You’d better watch out, you better be nice,
    Better kiss ass I’m telling you why,
    PLA is coming to town.
    We’re making a list, checking it twice,
    Gonna find out who’s paying the price,
    PLA is coming to town.

    We’ll call you when you’re sleeping,
    We’ll call you when you’re awake,
    We’ll call your mom and dad for you,
    So leave town, for goodness sake!

    You’d better watch out, you better be nice,
    Better kiss ass, I’m telling you why,
    PLA is coming to town.

    “We Three Phreaks From PLA Are” – by Colleen Card
    sung to the tune of “We Three Kings of Orient Are”

    We three phreaks from PLA are,
    Pranking people from near and from far,
    Finding their numbers, finding their names,
    Fone company tells us all.

    O— Telco friendly, telco free,
    Telco come and dance with me,
    Dreams I see them, can’t redeem them,
    but I’ve got an operator’s key.

    We are born to freedom and strife,
    Anger crashing all of our lives,
    Pick up a fone, leave me alone,
    I think I’ll just call your wife.
    (repeat chorus)

    Kardz and k0dez to offer have I,
    Go to Radio Shack, red boxes I buy,
    Cactus, cactus, cactus, cactus,
    We promise to make you cry.
    (repeat chorus)

    “Have yourself an Evil Little Holiday” – by Colleen Card
    sung to the tune of “Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas”

    Have yourself an evil little holiday,
    Break into a fone,
    Make free calls all over,
    Including Rome!
    Have yourself an evil little holiday,
    Make an operator scream,
    From now on it’s funny just to be mean.

    Here we are in olden days,
    Happy golden days of bore,
    Greedy relative who want a calling card,
    Pinch my cheek too hard once more.

    Available telcos, everyone’s inside now, ripping open gifts,
    Oh what a great security r-i-f-t!
    Have yourself an evil little holiday now!

    O Telephone Pole” – by Colleen Card
    sung to the tune of “O Christmas Tree”

    O telephone pole, o telephone pole,
    You rise so high and mightily,
    O telephone pole, o telephone pole,
    You rise so high and mightily.
    Your pegs are strong in summer’s heat,
    And frosty in the winter sleet.
    O telephone pole, O telephone pole,
    You are brown and mighty.

    “Anarchy” – by Colleen Card and RedBoxChiliPepper
    sung to the tune of “Jingle Bells”

    Running through your yards, popping open cans,
    Sometimes clipping wires, then we eat some spam.
    Stealing people’s mail, toilet papering trees,
    Running from the cops and feds that chase us in the breeze.

    Oh, anarchy, anarchy, set their yard on fire.
    Hit their window with a stick and loosen up their tires.
    Fuck the Bells, Fuck the Bells, burn their building down,
    Dive into their dumpsters when rent-a-cops aren’t around.

    “The Twelve Days of Christmas Revised” – by RedBoxChiliPepper

    On the Twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me…
    Twelve Virgin Visas,
    Eleven black tone dialers,
    Ten stolen P.C.s,
    Nine lineman’s handsets,
    Eight Motorolas,
    Seven operators,
    Six red box crystals,
    Fiiiiiiive E.S.N’s.
    Four cans of Jolt
    Three fake I.D.s,
    Two airline tickets,
    And a janitor job at AT&T!

    Send-A-Song Services – by RBCP

    One ad that I’ve been noticing popping up in every mall in the country the last
    few years is the Send-A-Song service. It’s an 800 number you can dial and using
    your Visa or Mastercard, you can send the song of your choice to any phone
    number in the United States. The fax I received from them states, “In minutes,
    you can choose the perfect song, add your personally recorded greeting and
    specify a date and time for delivery. The Send-A-Song can be ordered for
    immediate delivery or up to six months in advance. Delivery is guaranteed.”

    Using your V/MC, the price for this service is $9.95 for one song or $24.95 for
    three songs. Sort of pricey, but for cardholders like us, money is no object.
    This service is perfect to make your fellow phreaks smile or to make security
    officials cry when you send them “Happy Birthday” by the New Kids on the Block,
    300 times a day.

    The only drawback is the lame selection of songs they offer. You can send some-
    one a traditional song by various artists and they just started getting really
    hip and adding in alot of country songs. (gag) The best you can hope for is an
    old top-40 song that isn’t too nausiating. And if you’re just sending a song to
    annoy someone, they’ve got great selections. One song that I’ve been asking
    them to get for me is, “I’ll be watching you” by the Police. That would be great
    for certain occasions…

    When you call their 800 number to make your selection, you have to dial the 800
    number direct, or at least make them think you dialed direct. (Don’t call from
    your house direct, of course.) In the past, I’ve usually used remote access call
    forwarding, but your best bet would be to walk a couple blocks to the nearest
    pay phone. You can’t just op divert. If their system doesn’t get an ANI, you’ll
    be switched over to customer service, who won’t be able to help you at all.
    Send-A-Songs phone numbers are as follows:

    800-272-SONG (7664) Order center, fully automated, Visa/Mastercard
    800-999-7635 Customer Service
    800-915-3443 SAS Retrival Center (In case you weren’t there to get your song.)

    Here’s a list of songs you have to choose from when calling 800-272-SONG:

    Happy Birthday
    1101 Happy Birthday – Bing Crosby 1102 Happy Birthday – Eddie Howard
    1106 You Say It’s Your Birthday -Beattles 1103 Happy Birthday – Instrumental
    1105 Happy Birthday – New Kids on / Block 1103 Happy Birthday – Sunsetters
    1107 I Wish I Were 18 Again -George Burns 1108 Young At Heart – Frank Sinatra
    1109 Happy Birthday – Stevie Wonder 1112 Much Too Young – Garth Brooks
    1114 Happy Birthday Baby – Ronnie Milsap

    3001 Thank You For Being A Friend – Gold 3003 You’ve Got A Friend -Carole King
    3002 That’s What Friends Are For -Warwick 3004 You’ve Got A Friend – J Taylor
    3007 Friendship, Friendship – Ray Charles 3008 Lean On Me – Bill Withers
    3011 Diamonds/Best Friend – Marlyn Monroe 3010 You’re The Top – E. Fitzgerald
    3014 Friends in Low Places – Garth Brooks 3012 Stand By Me – Ben E. King
    2119 Anytime You Need A Friend – Mariah C 3015 I Get By With Help – Beatles
    3016 From Our House To Yours – Lorrie Mor 3017 Who Can I Turn To – Tony Bennett
    3018 Forever Friends – Sandi Patti 3019 Friends – Bette Midler

    2001 I just called to say I love you – SW 2002 You are the sunshine of my life
    2003 Nobody does it better – Carly Simon 2004 I had to say I love you – Jim
    2013 Listen, do you want to know a secret 2006 Crazy For You – Madonna
    2015 Love Me Do – Beatles 2017 You Are So Beautiful – Joe Cker
    2021 All Shook Up – Elvis Presley 2022 Teddy Bear – Elvis Presley
    2024 One In A Million – Larry Grahm 2027 All of Me – Frank Sinatra
    2025 The Most Beautiful Girl In The World 2029 Your Song – Elton John
    2031 Through The Years – Kenny Rogers 2032 You Decorated My Life -K Rogers
    2035 Theme from Mahogamy – Diana Ross 2033 Endless Love – Diana Ross
    2039 Woman in Love – Barbara Streisand 2040 Memories – Barbara Streisand
    2041 Annie’s (??) Song – John Denver 2042 Unforgettable – Nat King Cole
    2045 Unchained Melody – Righteous Brothrs 2049 It had to be you – Harry Conick
    2050 When A Man Loves a Woman – Michael B 2055 12th of Never – Johnny Mathis
    2056 Always on my mind – Willie Nelson 2058 Live for Lovin’ You – Gloria Es
    2060 Love of a Lifetime – Firehouse 2061 Wind Beneath my Wings – Bette M
    2062 You Light up my Life – Debbie Boone 2063 I Don’t Know Much (But I Know I
    2064 Unforgettable – Natalie Cole 2068 Forever Your Girl – Paula Abdul
    2070 Everything I do for you – Bryan Adms 2071 Here and Now – Luther Vandross
    2074 Natural Woman – Aretha Franklin 2077 You are my lover,my best friend
    2076 I want to know if I can be your girl 2078 Have I told you lately i love u
    2081 Just The Way You Are – Billy Joel 2082 Wild Thing – The Trogs
    2085 The Way you do the things you do 2087 Baby I need your lovin’ – 4tops
    2086 I wanna be loved by you – Marlyn Mnr 2088 Can’t get enough of your love
    2091 I Honestly Love You – Olivia Newt Jn 2093 Dedicated to the One I Love
    2097 My girl – The Temptations 2098 Love of my Life – Carly Simon
    2099 I will always love you – Whitney Hou 2101 Just A Little Love- Reba McEntr
    2102 Have I Got A Deal For You – Reba McN 2103 Two of a kind – Garth Brooks
    2104 All of me loves all of you -George S 2105 I still believe in you -Vince G
    2106 I swear – John Michael Montgomery 2107 Love can build a bridge – Judds
    2108 Shameless – Garth Brooks 2110 Stand By Your Man – Tammy Wynet
    2111 Help Me Make It – Sammi Smith 2112 I Get A kick Out of you – Frank
    2113 Wonderful Tonight – Eric Clapton 2114 Whatta Man – Salt N Pepa
    2116 On Bended Knee – Boyz II Men 2117 After The Lovin’ – Engelbert Hu
    2118 I’d really love to see you tonight 2416 Be my baby tonite – John Montgm

    2417 I’ll make love to you – Boyz II Men

    2501 The Anniversary Waltz -Richard Tuckr 2502 Always & Forever – Heatwave
    2503 More Today Than Yesterday – Spiral S 2504 You’re my best friend – Don Wil
    2506 Could I Have This Dance – Anne Muray 2509 You’re the best thing that ever
    2510 You Again – Forestar Sisters 2511 Chapel of Love – Dixie Cups
    2512 Our love is here to stay – Harry Con 2514 Happy Anniversary – Little Rivr

    2401 Nobody does it better – C Simon 2402 Why Don’t we get Drunk -J Buffet
    2404 I’d love to lay you down-Conway Twit 2409 Sexual Healing – Marvin Gaye
    2410 Afternoon Delight – Starland Vocals 2411 I feel like makin’ love – Bad Co
    2412 Let’s spnd the nite 2gether-R Stones 2413 Make it with you – Bread
    2414 Let get it on – Marvin Gaye

    5001 It’s hard to be humble – Davis 5002 Love Stinks – J. Geils Band
    5003 Macho Man – Village People 5004 My Ding-A-Ling – Chuck Berry
    5007 Hound Dog – Elvis Presley 5008 I Like Beer – Tom T. Hall
    5009 Take this job and Shove it -johnny p 5010 Let go get stoned – Ray Charles
    5012 Men – Forrester Sisters 5013 What part of no…-Lorrie Morgan
    5014 Let’s chase each other around the rm 5015 Another one bites the dust-Queen
    5016 Whoomp, there it is! – Tag Team

    Missing You
    7001 Far Away – Carole King 7002 Missing You – Jim Reeves
    7003 I miss you – Harold Melvin 7004 Wishing you were here – Chicago
    7006 Missing you now – Michael Bolton 7007 What’ll I do? – Linda Ronstadt
    7009 Hangin’ In – Tanya Tucker 7010 My World is empty without you
    7011 Just to hold you again – Mariah Cary 7012 Nights are forever without you
    7013 Can’nt stay away from you – Gloria E

    7101 What A Wonderful World 7102 Happy Birthday (new baby) – Suns
    7103 Calebrate good times-Kool & The Gang 7104 Climb every mountain
    7105 Let the good times roll -Ray Charles 7106 Everything’s coming up roses
    8011 Impossible Dreams – Jim Nabors 7107 Walking Away a Winner – Kathy Mt
    7110 Eye of the Tiger – Survivor

    7501 I’m sorry – The Platters 7502 I’m Sorry – Brenda Lee
    7503 We bury the hatchet – Garth Brooks 7504 You’re right, I’m wrong – George
    7505 Call Me Irresponsible – Tony Bennett 7506 Hard for me to say sorry-Chicago
    7508 Sorry seems to be the hardest word 7509 Can’t Live – Mariah Carey
    7510 From Now On – Michael Bolton 7511 Please Forgive Me – Bryan Adams
    7512 Words Get In The Way – Gloria Estefn

    Cheer Up/Get Well
    7701 Don’t worry, be happy – Bobby Mcfern 7702 Don’t you worry ’bout a thing-SW
    7704 Here comes the sun – Beatles 7705 Gray skies are gonna clear up
    7706 The sun will come out tomorrow-Annie 7708 I feel lucky – Mary C Carpenter
    7709 Unanswered prayers – Garth Brooks 7710 Put yourself in my shoes-Clint B
    7715 Get on your feet – Gloria Estefan

    Family Songs
    7801 We are family – Sister Sledge 7802 Having my baby – Paul Anka
    7803 I want a girl just like that girl 7805 Daddy’s little girl -Mills Bros.
    7806 Mammy – Al Jolson 7807 Mama – Jerry Vale
    7809 I’ll always love my mama – Intruders 7812 Oh my papa – Eddie Fisher
    7817 Mama sang a song – Bill Anderson 7818 Home – Alan Jackson
    7819 Daddy’s Hands – Holly Dunn 7820 Working class hero – Alan Jacksn
    7821 Leader of the band – Dan Fogelberg 7822 I thought he walked on water

    Thank You

    3102 I thank you – ZZ Top 3104 Thank you – Ray Boltz
    3103 You made me so very happy – Blood,ST 3105 I owe you one – Aaron Neville

    8022 Happy Trails – Roy Rogers 8023 On The Road Again – Willie Nelsn
    8024 The Dance – Garth Brooks

    So fire up your favorite C-Master program and start sending songs to your loved
    ones (and not so loved ones). It’s easy, it’s fun and it’s FREE! “Send-A-Song
    plays approximately an 80-second segment of the song you request, usually the
    most familiar verse and chorus. You may sample 3 songs for 15 seconds each when
    placing your order. The Send-A-Song automated delivery service will call the
    number you specified at the time you requested. If an answering machine picks
    up or someone else answers and your person isn’t there, we’ll leave a message
    which will allow the recipient to call back and receive their S-A-S. If there is
    a busy signal or no answer, we’ll keep trying…”

    What Is The FACS Office And What Can It Do For You?

    Are you tired of people changing their phone numbers, making them unlisted and
    password protecting their phone accounts so that you can’t bug the hell out of
    them for weeks on end anymore? Well, that will no longer be a problem for you,
    once you’ve obtained the FACS number in your area.

    The FACS acronym means Facilities Administration and Control System, but most
    Bell employes refer to it as either “Assignment” or “FACS”, pronounced “fax.”
    This office can take any address or phone number in the area that it covers
    and give you every single number that goes into the entire building/house.
    This can be extremely useful for a variety of things, including…

  • Getting the unlisted number of someone who’s just changed their number.
  • Finding out what the additional lines are going into someone’s house.
  • Finding out what the data line is to a certain company or individual, such
    as your schhool or place of employment.
  • Finding out every number of a business, including every one of their ring-
    down numbers, data lines, pay phones on the premises, credit card lines,
    ATM machine lines, lottery machine lines, etc, etc, etc.
  • Want to know more about someone? Get all of the neighbors’ phone numbers in
    his/her apartment complex, call them all and ask questions…
  • Tired of that asshole sysop? This will give you all his voice numbers.

    The list could go on forever. Your local FACS number is a valuable thing to
    have, no matter what you’re using it for. And it’s really easy to get ahold of
    and use. Even easier than the CN/A and they don’t require a password! (None
    I’ve encountered, anyway.)

    How To Get A FACS Number

    Getting the FACS number is easy, yet tedious and you’ll usually end up being
    put on hold for a few years before you finally get it. All it requires is a
    single phone call to the billing office. The residential billing office will
    work just fine but it’d be best to go with the business billing office
    because they answer the phone a lot quicker and are trained to be more
    courteous. Residential offices treat you like shit. So, grab your phone book,
    turn to the front few pages and look up the number for the Billing Office for
    Business Accounts. Call it. (It really doesn’t matter if you divert this call
    or you dial direct.) Type a few random selections on their automated menu until
    you get a real operator. The conversation would go something like this…

    OPR: Southwestern Bell, how may I help you?
    YOU: FACS? I need you to check on an address for me.
    OPR: I’m sorry? You’ve reached the billing department.
    YOU: What? This isn’t Assignment?
    OPR: Nooooo, this is the RMC.
    YOU: Hmm, in my handbook it has you listed as the FACS. Do you happen to have
    the FACS number there in your handbook?

    (At this point, some of the more clueless employees will ask you exactly
    what FACS is. Just explain that it’s the number you use to find out what
    lines are going into a certain address, if they ask.)

    OPR: Let me check here for you…Are you with Southwestern Bell?
    YOU: Yes, this is Greg Carson. I’m a lineman. Phear me.
    OPR: …Okay, the number I have here is 1-800-673-7286.
    YOU: Isn’t there a regular number in there that’s not toll free?
    OPR: Hmmmm…yes, there is. It’s 210-xxx-xxxx.
    YOU: Okay, great! Thanks alot, you putz, you just gave me the information I
    need to cause alot of misery here in town! Bye!

    And that’s about all you have to do. If you’re unlucky with one operator, try
    right back with another operator. Usually the only problem I encounter is an
    operator that doesn’t know what FACS is or doesn’t know where to find the
    number for it, even if I explain to them it’s in their handbook. A few of the
    operators have actually called up the FACS office themselves and run the
    addresses for me, then they gave me the number to FACS. U.S.West, you gotta
    love ’em.

    You’re best off with a number that’s NOT toll-free. Mostly because the FACS
    toll-free numbers that I’ve dealt with only let you dial from within that
    state, making the number useless after I moved. Besides, dialing the 800
    number would mean a permenant record of your number on their bill. Try to get
    the billing office to connect you to the FACS the first time, then ask the
    FACS office what their direct line is, to make it easier for you to call.

    Dealing With FACS Once You Have The Number

    Okay, good job, you got the FACS number. The rest is easy. It seems that every
    FACS’s main security proceedure is to ask, “Do you work for us?” If you confirm
    that you do work for them, you’ve passed the test and they’ll tell you anything
    you want to know. So far, in my experiences, this holds true for Southwestern
    Bell, GTE, U.S.West and Ameritech. (GTE being the friendliest and most

    The area that one FACS office covers varies with all the different phone
    companies. When I dealt with Southwestern Bell, it only covered my city and
    nowhere else but with Ameritech, the office covered an entire third of Illinois.
    The GTE number I had covered the entire state. (But just the areas serviced by
    GTE, of course.) If you reach a FACS office that doesn’t cover the region
    you’re looking for, they’ll almost always happily give you the number you need
    to access the area you need and will sometimes connect you to it.

    When you finally call FACS, you’ll be pretending to work for the same company.
    I usually claim to be a lineman because I can think of more excuses to their
    questions. Sometimes I try being a billing office operator. Whichever you’re
    more comfortable with. The conversation will go somewhat as follows…

    (FACS offices are notorious for making you hold forever. Better bring some
    coloring books to play with while you wait. I’ve had to wait for over a half
    hour before…)

    FAC: Can I help you?
    YOU: This is Paul from Ameritech, I just need for you to run an address for me.
    FAC: Okay, which office are you with, Paul?
    YOU: I’m not in an office, I’m working in the field in Bloomington, Indiana.
    FAC: What is it, exactly that you need?
    YOU: Well, I’m in a telco can here and I’m trying to sort out all the lines
    for a building down the street. I just need you to read off all the cable,
    pairs and numbers going into this address here.
    FAC: Okay, and what’s the address?
    YOU: It’s 1313 Mockingbird Lane SE

    (Note: You have to know the exact address, including whether it’s a Lane,
    Street, Avenue, Etc. and if it’s got a SE (SouthEast), NE, NW, SW in front
    of it or after it. If one little measley thing is out of place, it won’t
    come up on their computer.)

    FAC: (type, type, type!) Okay, I have three lines going into that address with
    room to add one more line. I have 656-0284 on cable 10 and pair 758, then
    656-2913 on cable 10 and pair 720, and 656-0831 on cable 10 and pair 402.
    YOU: Great! Any other lines going into that address?
    FAC: Nope, that’s it.
    YOU: Okay, then. Thanks alot and have a good day!

    It’s probably not a good idea to ever insult the FACS lady and/or harrass her
    after you’ve gotten the information you need. This will just piss her off and
    make her know she’s been had, thus tightening security for everyone else who
    calls after that, including yourself.

    If you’re wanting to check on multiple apartments in a single building, you’ll
    have to ask them to type in each individual address, such as 1313 Mockingbird
    Lane SE Apartment 12, 1313 Mockingbird Lane SE Apartment 13 and so on. Some of
    them have actually been nice enough to fax me the list of numbers if it’s a
    really large list. (You can have them fax it to a copy shop for you, or a
    number diverted to your house.)

    If you don’t have their correct address or don’t have an address at all, you
    can still ask them to check a number for you. When they ask for the address,
    give them an address which you know doesn’t exist. Frustrated, they’ll finally
    ask you for the phone number and they’ll run it off of that. Usually, you’ll
    also get the address this way, but not always. Sometimes they’ll want you to
    read off the work order number. Just tell them that you left that in your
    truck and your truck is two blocks away and you’re too lazy to go get it.

    What The Hell Is Going On With PLA’s 512 Voicemail Box??

    Well, in a nutshell, it’s going down. If you’re one of the people who used to
    call 512-703-8910, enjoy it while you can. I bought the voicemail expecting to
    use it for YEARS, paying for it legitimately with hard earned cash even. (Well,
    probably stolen cash, but it’s legitimate on their end, isn’t it?)

    First of all, they moved locations which changed my VMB number. (If you don’t
    remember, the details on that one are outlined in a previous PLA issue.) Last
    week I called them to arrange my six month in advance payment like I always do
    and they informed me of a slight change in rates.

    Usually it would only cost me a flat rate of $7.50 a month, nothing else. NOW
    they want to charge $7.50 a month which will allow the box to be accessed only
    thirty times in a month. That means I’m only allowed to have one single call
    on it per day, including myself calling in to check messages. That’s okay,
    though, because for each additional call over 30 a month, they charge an access
    rate of 42 cents. Only 42 cents, that’s not so bad, is it?

    Well, I asked them how many times my box had been accessed last month and they
    checked and told me only 283 times. I quickly grabbed my pocket calculator out
    of the holster on my belt. Dead batteries, so I found a pen in my pocket
    protector and did some quick math and figured that I’d be paying $118.86 per
    month for my additional calls, plus the $7.50 per month just to own the box.
    And the guy on the phone didn’t seem to think that was just a little outrageous.
    He promised me that someone would call back, but nobody ever did.

    So, I’ve stopped paying and I’ve also made a lot of collect and third-party
    billed calls to my VMB number. As of this writing it’s still up and working but
    it should be going down really soon. I just hope that some horrible holligan at
    random doesn’t call up the voicemail company and offer to pay for my box a year
    in advance with their credit card. Now that would really piss me off! (ahem)

    I strongly urge anyone who reads this, never to call and harrass the employees at
    512-458-6005 or 512-472-3535, especially Ann. She’s a really nice lady and
    doesn’t deserve to be phoned at work and rude, horrible things said to her. And
    if you’re ever in Austin for a HoHoCon Convention or any other reason and you
    just happen to be walking around downtown and pass by 1011 San Jacinto, please
    don’t throw any bricks through that beautiful picture windows of theirs. And
    whatever you do, don’t ever go inside to the room with a big “300” on the door
    and super-glue their locks shut or steal all of their mail. That would really
    upset me. Especially if you happened to be carrying a one gallon bucket of
    hot pink latex paint and you spilled it all over the hallway there and some of
    it splashed on their door. Gee, I hope HoHoCon is in Austin next year…

    Ramblings by Apok0lyps: 618 ReVieW

    Awww yeah! R0y in da house! Ok kids, here’s what’s been going on
    in the good old 618 latley. (LIke any of you really care)

    First off, there was the short lived Booty Call BBS. Zak, Nekid Amy
    [the girl from PLAGIF07], Zensless1, Quinbus Flestrin, dhate and myself set
    it up one night out of sheer boredom. We wanted to see who all would call and
    act like an idiot. We used the names Papa Ray, Fly Honey, M.C. K0sh3r, D.J.
    Skratch -n- Sniff, Jermaine and Big Mack as the sysops. About 40 people fell
    for it. I deleted the bbs later and forgot to save all the mail and shit, but
    none of it was worth reprinting. Basicly we set it up to look like a bbs ran
    by gansta rappas, but that failed. Everyone just logged on and played Studs
    and shit. No one posted or anything. A few people left us feedback trying to
    act like nazis and shit. Those people were Ramsey and Skinhead. What idiots!

    Next, there was the saga of #rock. It is still going on today.
    Basicly what happened was El_jefe (Zak) went into #rock because that’s where
    [Z3ns] (Zensless1) liked to hang out. Some stupid bitch called El_jefe an
    asshole. Now while not totally untrue, it was enough to piss him off.
    He had [Z3ns] op him, then he bankicked everyone and took over.
    After that had become boring, he left. Later he came back and it was empty.
    So he told everyone else and we all started hanging out in there, taunting
    those who would come in. We still use it every night, and taking it from
    the losers as become easy. Doing things like netsplit hacks gets old fast,
    so you have to trick them. My favorite trick is to make them run PLA.IRC,
    a script written by dhate. Not only does it make them say fruity things like
    “I Wanna suck dick in the name of r0y!” and “I love to jerk of to pix of
    Nekkid Amy!!”, but it also adds “+ +” to their .rhost, mails me with their
    passwd file and floods certian people with an ls of their entire system.

    Other days we would do shit like choose countries to envade, but
    that would result in us getting kicked pretty quick. But then there was
    #heislord. Now you may remember good ole’ Scott the Beleiver and is fat ass
    daughter Chatty. Well, when Scott was brave enough to irc, he would go hang
    out in #heislord, an all christian channel. Well, back in the day, we would
    go in there and annoy the hell out of Chatty and Scott, but they quit ircing
    all of a sudden. (Wonder why??) We quit going in there regularly until the
    other night. We were all hanging out in #rock being bored when dhate msged
    us to come to #heislord. We went and the stupid fools had just oped him.
    Now, they generaly NEVER op someone that hasn’t spent tons of time in there
    kissing ass. But for some reason they decided to be the Good Samaraton with
    dhate. Bad mistake!

    We went in there and deoped everyone. Then started busting out with
    our usual insults “God molested my kids” and shit like that. Zak has a way
    of pissing them off real good. The best part was when a few of them tried
    to spoof dhate into giving the channel back. They came to #rock (we had
    #heislord invite only, and I was holding #heislord2-8) and told dhate to
    come to #ircops. I went as well, and they made it +i. They started telling
    dhate shit like “We can nickname collide you and your whole server will be
    off irc!” and “We are ircops buddy, you better give #heislord back right NOW”
    Now the funny thing was none of them were ircops because they didn’t have
    a * next to their nicks. If they were ircops, the idiots never used it.

    I could go on about this for days, but the best thing to do is come
    into #rock, unless ofcourse you have a life and better things to do on irc,
    and you can see for yourself. It’s pretty lame!

    Last but not least, I have my personal call to make some people’s
    lives very hard. I used to like to hang out in #anime! for a time and talk
    about my favorite shows in there. Well, I met two real assholes in there.
    One of them goes by the nick rin but sometimes uses g-wu to fool me.
    The other changes nicks daily in an attempt to avoid harrassment. Their
    info is as follows:

    Known Nicks: rin, g-wu, gundam-wu
    Real Name: George Wu
    email: or
    Goes to U of I Urbana
    Things that piss him off: Tell him his dick is broken. Ask him if
    he has ever been able of fuck a girl all the way. Tell him Joy
    is a fuckin whore. Tell him PLA 0wns him!

    Known Nicks: rei, gundambab, wu-chan, cranbearri, yu-chan ect.
    Real Name: Joy Toda
    email: or todaj@uhunix.hawaii.edi
    HOME PHONE NUMBER: 808-595-6640 or 6690 (can’t read my writting)
    Goes to U of Hawaii
    Things that piss her off: Call her by her real name, Joy! Tell her
    that she must be really bad in bed if George couldn’t get off.
    Call her a fuckin whore. Tell her PLA 0wns her. Just say r0y.

    Oh well, that ought to do it for me. Sorry this article wasn’t more
    informative, but hey, it’s PLA! r0y 0wns y0u!

    Classified Ads – Personals

    SWF, 15: Hi, my name is Chana Shvonne Williford. I enjoy swimming, computer
    chatting and annoying other users on local bbses that I don’t even know, giving
    them my personal ftp site which is set up by all of my faithful friends who
    have made a fan club just for me because someday I’m gonna be rich and famous.
    At least that’s what I’d like you to think. Actually, I wrote all the files
    myself and convinced one of my cybersex partners on AOL to make a directory for
    me so people would think I’m really really popular. If you’d like to visit this
    FTP site, it is
    and you can look at
    pictures of me and read all about my amazing life here in Waco, Texas. You can
    also e-mail me at

    Phone Losers of America Headline News

    Not a whole lot for the news department this month, just an old T.V. transcript
    that’s been sitting in my computer for awhile now. Enjoy…

    Inmate Danny Faries conducts credit card fraud over the phone
    Transcript of the show, 60 Minutes, Sunday September 29, 1991

    Mike Wallace (Host): 1-800-CON-MAN is a tale about credit card fraud, a billion
    dollar business. And while that may not surprise you, I think what we found in
    Miami certainly will. It surprised us. For four long years, before he was
    convicted of murder, a crafty conman named Danny Faries ran a nationwide Jail-
    house Shopping Network, for he ran it all, without ever leaving his cell in
    Miami’s Dade County Jail, where, believe it or not, inmates have telephones
    right in their jail cells and can make local calls and 1-800 calls free of

    Danny Faries: I would challenge you, Mr. Wallace, if they put you in a room the
    size of your bathroom at home for years at a time with a telephone, that I would
    challenge you to–that you would come up with some pretty inventive stuff to do,
    because you do everything through the phone.

    Wallace: And that’s exactly what Danny Faries did. Using a telephone from a
    large cell on the tenth floor of Miami’s Dade County Jail and later from this
    six-by-eight foot cell, federal investigators acknowledge he managed to steal as
    much as $2 million worth of merchandise. And how did the business work?
    Accomplices on the outside provided Faries with hundreds of credit card numbers
    taken from charge slips in hotel dumpsters. And then he used those credit card
    numbers to order merchandise from mail-order catalog by telephone, arranging for
    the items to be delivered overnight, again to accomplices on the outside, who
    would sell the goods and split the proceeds with Faries. Faries even persuaded
    his fellow inmates to let him use their extension telephone as his own private.
    You take the extension phone into your cell…

    Faries: Actually, it was a vacant cell that I quite literally had turned into an
    office. We were having a ball.

    Wallace: And you did business.

    Faries: Oh, yes, sir, a bumper business.

    Wallace: And it went on for four years, with Faries ordering everything from
    collectible gold and silver coins to Rolex watches, to video camcorders. And
    with the help of those accomplices on the outside, he hit states from one end of
    the country to the other.

    Faries: Oh, it’s so easy to find confederates. I split right half with every-
    body. I mean I never took more than half. I got robbed a lot but again, you kind
    of take it on the chin, you know what I mean? It was, like you said, heck, it
    was all free.

    Wallace: So he ordered cases of the best champagne and gourmet gift baskets and
    thousands of roses, and he had them sent to the families of other inmates and
    even to his prison guards.

    Faries: They’re working stiffs, you know? They’re not making much money, and
    they’re seeing this stuff going on, and they’re hearing about Dom Perignon and
    trips to the Caribbean. And there I am in my cell. They know what’s up. There’s
    no–you know, I tried to send–at Christmas and on holidays, I tried to send
    out, you know, baskets and…

    Wallace: And it costs them nothing.

    Faries: Oh, no, no. Perish the thought.

    Wallace: Of course, jail officials deny that guards accepted gifts. But one
    investigator told us off-camera that he believes some guards did receive items
    from Danny. And we even found evidence that Danny dabbled in charity. I have
    here a Save the Children Federation Inc., Westport, Connecticut, addressed to
    Daniel Faries, 1151 Northwest 11th Street, Suite 104. That’s your jail cell.

    Faries: I’ll be darn, yeah.

    Wallace: Save the Children.

    Faries: Well, yeah. Again, when you have nothing but 24 hours a day, and, you
    know, late night on Sunday night after everybody has gone to bed for sure, they
    always put these little poor pitiful with flies crawling out of their nose
    Biafran babies and stuff on–I mean heartbreaking stuff. 1-800 nunmber, Master-
    Card and Visa. And it’s just a phone call. My position was when the people got
    their credit card bill, they’d look at it and say, “Well, I didn’t order Save
    the Children have for $22,” and they look at the poor children–they’ve all
    flashed on those poor, starving children–I can’t believe that most of them
    aren’t still paying that $22, Mr. Wallace. I would, if somebody did this to me
    and said, “Look, give, doggone it!”

    Wallace: But what about the cops? Well, they were not amused by the Jailhouse
    Shopping Network.

    Lieutenant Ross Hughes: I think Danny Fairies is a convicted killer and a
    conman, nothing more.

    Wallace: Lieutenant Ross Hughes and fellow Officer Raul Ubieta of the Metro-Dade
    Police spent months building a case against Faries, and they knew he had
    confessed to murdering a friend while under the influence of cocaine.

    Hughes: He’s already in jail for murder, possibly facing the electric chair. So
    the fellow has no fear of any reprisal for the fraud he was doing.

    Wallace: So he engaged in what is called the Jailhouse Shopping Network, a
    very successful enterprise.

    Hughes: And he was very comfortable in that role.

    Wallace: And he would remain comfortably in business because Hughes and Ubieta’s
    case against him was eventually dropped by the Dade state’s attorney. Why?
    Insufficient creditble evidence, the state’s attorney said. The two Metro-Dade
    investigators continued to warn jail officials about Faries’ continued phone
    access, but jail officials said it would violate Danny’s rights to take his
    phone away.

    Hughes: He’s allowed access to a telephone.

    Wallace: In order to steal? You know perfectly well that he was stealing. I
    mean, this must have been a matter of some frustration to you guys who’ve been
    after him now, according to this, for a year or two. And you’re getting no place
    with it.

    Officer Raul Ubieta: Any time an investigation doesn’t come to a proper
    conclusion for the investigator, it’s frustrating. So…

    Wallace: Listen, you told the correction personnel, “Go in there and take the
    phone out of his cell.” What’d they tell you?

    Ubieta: If I recall the memo right, that he couldn’t do that.

    Wallace: Jail officials finally did search Faries’ cell, seizing hundreds of
    credit card numbers. But that didn’t put him out of business, because he still
    had a telephone and one hidden credit card number.

    Faries: And I had written this on the bottom of my bunk. And it was a woman’s
    card, though. It was Regina Donovan–was the name. And it was a good number.
    And I said, “Well, here we go. We’ve got to do something.”

    Wallace: So Faries used the credit card number to pay for a newspaper ad and a
    telephone answering serivce.

    Faires: And I ran an ad in USA today saying “Cosmetic package: $89.95 value for
    only $19.95. All major credit cards accepted. Please call Regina Donovan
    Cosmetics, a 1-800 number.”

    Wallace: But Danny never intended to sell any cosmetics. All he was after was a
    fresh batch of credit card numbers.

    Faries: Well, the girls there, they an–they take the orders, and they write
    down–they–“Thank you for calling Regina Donovan, may I help you?”, “Yes, we
    saw your ad.”, “Oh, yes, may we have–what credit card will we be using today?”
    They wrote their number, the expiration. And then at the end of the day, I would
    call and they’d have all these numbers. It was incredible And so I just got a
    whole new stack of numbers and I was off.

    Pete Collins: You could call him up any time of the day or night, and he was
    working around the clock, particularly when I was interviewing him.

    Wallace: Pete Collins is a free-lance writer in Miami who is writing a book
    about Danny Fairies and his Jailhouse Shopping Network.

    Collins: The operation was working in as many as 40 states. There were as many
    as 150 drop sites, dozens of employees, $750,000 documented in stolen goods,
    perhaps up to $2 million to $4 million, and that was just during an 11-month
    window of his captivity.

    Wallace: And you got this mostly from the Secret Service.

    Collins: I got all of that from the Secret Service.

    Wallace: That’s right, the Secret Service. In addition to protecting the
    president and going after counterfeiters, they also work credit card fraud
    cases. And they began to investigate the Jailhouse Shopping Network, too. They
    searched Danny’s cell twice, and they confiscated over 1000 stolen credit card
    numbers and catalogs. But Danny still had access to a telephone, and he still
    did business, just as he had for nearly four years.

    Faries: Even on my cell door at ICDC in Dade County, I had a Mastercard and a
    Visa logo on the outside of my door. It was pretty wide open. So…

    Wallace: Everybody knew what you were doing, and you kept on doing it.

    Faires: It was incredible. I know it’s–I just say…

    Wallace: I don’t get it. Why would they give you access to a phone if they knew
    what you were doing?

    Faries: I give great phone.

    Wallace: I’m quite serious. Why would they keep letting you have access to a

    Faries: I don’t know. I would–of course, every time that they would say, “If
    you don’t stop this, we’re going to take your phone away,” I said, “Okay, then
    I won’t do it anymore.”

    Wallace: But Danny knew that he had a legal right to phone privileges while
    awaiting trial. So he was able to go on stealing hundreds of thousands of
    dollars in merchandise. We wanted to find out more for ourselves about telephone
    access for the inmates at the Dade County Jail, so we went there to take a look.
    There’s a guy on the phone right there. And nothing had changed. We visited
    Danny’s old cell. This was the office that Danny Faries worked out of?

    Unidentified Man #1: Yes, sir.

    Wallace: Not much bigger than somebody’s bathroom. We were amazed to find a list
    of telephone numbers on Danny’s old cell wall. So we called one.

    (Speaking on telephone) L.L. Bean order department, Can I order some merchandise
    this way? And I can order how much? Can I order $100 or $1,000 or $10,000 worth
    of stuff? No limit. My name is Mike Wallace, and I wor for 60 Minutes, and I’m
    sitting in a cell… L.L. Bean hadn’t heard about the Jailhouse Shopping Network
    but they did say that credit card fraud is a problem for them. And L.L. Bean had
    received an order from onen Tommie Chappell, the inmate who inherited Danny’s
    old cell. Explain something to me. I go into your cell and suddenly I see on the

    Tommie Chappell: All of Danny’s numbers.

    Walllace: Are those Danny’s numbers? It turns out that Tommie Chappell was only
    one of many inmates who had learned how to use the Jailhouse Shopping Network,
    courtesy of Danny Faries.

    Faries: They don’t even have to be terribly intelligent and only marginally
    capable. It’s not–it doesn’t–it’s like a trainn, Mr. Wallace. I feel like I
    constructed a train, and just darn near anybody can drive a train. Heck, it’s on
    a track. All you got to do is put the fuel in, credit card numbers, and this
    train will go.

    Wallace: But Tommie wasn’t about to acknowledge to us that he had graduated from
    the Danny Faries college of credit card manipulation. You’ve never done any of

    Chappell: No.

    Wallace: Raise your hand. Since Tommie Chappell wasn’t going to confess, we
    asked Sergeant Ted Tate of the Metro-Dade credit cardr squad what was going on,
    what is going on at the Dade County Jail. Sergeant Tate, level with me. It’s
    still going on…

    Sergeant Ted Tate: Yes, sir, it is.

    Wallace: …in Dade County…

    Tate: Yes, sir, it is.

    Wallace: …in ICDC, over telephones, with credit cards.

    Tate: It’s going on in the Dade County Jail System, yes, sir.

    Wallace: How come?

    Tate: I don’t know the answer to that.

    Wallace: Well, surely, Lonnie Lawrence, the director of Dade County Corrections,
    the man who requested a Secret Service search of Danny Faries’ cell, he could
    explain why the Jailhouse Shoppingn Network was still alive and well.

    Lonnie Lawrence: There are legal guidelines that say that we shall provide phone
    access to inmates.

    Wallace: Inside the cell?

    Lawrence: Yes. They don’t care where you provide it, as long as you provide it.

    Wallace: But what about inmates who abuse the phone system? For instance, let’s
    say he’s threatening the judge who put him away on the phone.

    Lawrence: We still have the ability to do that.

    Wallace: You can take that phone away?

    Lawrence: We’ll take the phone away.

    Wallace: So you can actually take phone privileges away. What you have not been
    able to do is to take phone privileges away from guys who are in jail and
    scamming over the phone.

    Lawrence: Well, I think that we’ve been able to restrict their phone privileges.

    Wallace: I went into Danny Faries’ old cell this morning three hours ago. Right
    there is the telephone. Right there on the wall, there’s a list of 1-800 numbers
    and credit card numbers. I called L.L. Bean. They were taking my order. I was
    playing Danny Faries, slick as it could be.

    Lawrence: Well, you know we don’t have a perfect system.

    Wallace: And nobody knows that better than Danny Faries. He was finally
    sentenced to five years for credit card fraud on top of an earlier life term for
    murder. And he was moved to the Charlotte Correctional Institution, a much
    tougher Florida state prison, where with prison guards looking on, we met a
    chastened Danny Faries. He told us that prison officials here have made sure he
    can no longer practice his trade.

    Faries: I would like to be very clear, I don’t want them–perish the thought
    that they might think I’m still wielding my telephonic sword, you know what I
    mean? I can’t do that.

    Wallace: Why not?

    Faries: Here in the state prisons, they’re much more sophisticated.

    Wallace: So what you’re saying is you’re going straight, perforce now, now at
    Charlotte correctional center.

    Faries: Yeah–or having to go on a new direction, because the–oh, well, I mean,
    come on. I’m not just going to roll over, Mr. Wallace.

    Wallace: Isn’t there a lady in Fort Lauderdale you’ve been talking to?

    Faries: I don’t know. Who are you…

    Wallace: Did you offer to set her up in business and rent an apartment from her
    as a drop site?

    Faries: Oh, I’m sure that I probably did.

    Wallace: Recently?

    Faries: Now, see, you would get a fellow in trouble with all these folks
    standing around us here.

    Wallace: I mean, come on. I mean, you’ve just professed innocence. You don’t do
    it anymore. That’s what you just told me, Danny.

    Faries: I know. I know. Well, you know, here’s what I’ve got…

    Wallace: But somehow you’re in ntouch with a lady in Fort Lauderdale, renting an
    apartment which is going to be a drop site where you are ordering or she is
    ordering or somebody is ordering camcorders and things like this…

    Faries: As he nervously takes a drink of his root beer. (Drinks root beer.)

    Wallace: I mean, you’re a crook and a murderer.

    Faries: That’s what they say. Doggone, I wish they didn’t say that, though.

    Wallace: Danny Faries has been moved to yet another Florida state prison and
    he’s been told that he will be isolated from his fellow inmates if he ever
    abuses the telephone privilege again. And Dade County Jail officials say they
    now have new procedures for inmate phones. After we went down there to report
    this story, those inside jail cell telephones were removed.

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