PLA Issue #30

Completed On May 13, 1995

  • Introduction
  • Cainesville Gets Fones Installed! – RBCP
  • How To Get PHREE Merchandise From Your Local Electronics Store
  • Adult GIFs on Roy’s Place
  • Phone Losers of America Headline News

    Introduction by RedBoxChiliPepper

    Well, PLA030 is finally out. After getting a few ka-zillion pieces of mail and
    a few phone calls asking “So when’s the next PLA coming out?” I know why ErikB
    is always complaining about that. It’s not annoying exactly, just kind of

    Third party billing was disabled on my phone line a couple months ago for some
    reason, meaning I can no longer make calls anywhere in the United States and
    third party bill it to someone else, not that I would actually ever try a
    stunt like that. That’s ripping off MaHell and that’s wrong. But this month I
    got my phone bill and it was well over $300 in back charges because of third
    party charges originating from my home. Well, I called the phone company and
    they seem to think I’m the victim here and were more than happy to remove the
    charges from my bill, god bless them. So, when trying out the activities outlined in PLA005, remember, I got backbilled. (Even though they removed all of
    the charges…)

    I also heard another story from Mike in Portland, Oregon about some idiot that
    billed to the same number over and over and over and of course AT&T didn’t
    like this and billed him for the calls. Worse yet, he was billing to a nonworking number in Canada, something like 514-xxx-1234. Not too bright. Anyway,
    I have a good excuse for being so “late” in releasing this PLA that’s about
    nothing in particular. I had a problem when, while walking down the street, a
    teenage motorist and his friends passed by in their Camero and all screamed,
    scaring the shit out of me and making part of my Big Gulp shoot up out of my

    Luckily, in all the confusion I was able to see their license plate number and
    write it down. I walked over to the pay phone and called the local police
    department, got transferred around and finally talked to a lady who was nice
    enough to give me the name and address registered with the car.

    “Corpus Christi Police Department…”
    “Hi, this is Bill with the Quickee Mart over on Charlton Street. I called
    yesterday about a gas drive off here for a total of $83.71 and I was promised
    the name and address on this license plate but I haven’t heard anything yet.
    The damn sumbitch filled up his boat, camper, truck and three wheeler and
    took off. Now can you check this plate number for me?”

    After a little more pursuading she finally gave me the information I needed.
    With temperatures rising into the 100’s that day, I drug myself over to a
    nearby hospital to use their inside pay phones. While the lady left the front
    desk for a few minutes, I grabbed her chair so I could sit down to use my
    phone. Looking at my watch, I saw that I needed to be at my job in ten minutes
    but fuck it, I was on a roll.

    The address I was given by the CCPD was in Manistique, Michigan. I made a few
    calls to 906 information and LACs and the Manistique billing office to find out
    that the owner of the nice Camero was actually this little rich brat’s daddy
    and that his son, Dale, was just down here on Spring Break. Finding his
    alternative number on their phone account was the dad’s work number, I gave
    him a call at Century 21 where he worked.

    “Century 21, this is Linda.”
    “Yeah, could I speak with Mr. Tullar?”
    “Just a minute, sir…”

    A few minutes of waiting and he was on the phone.

    “This is Mr. Tullar, what can I do for you?”
    “Mr, Tullar, this is Edward Garcia from the Corpus Christi police department,
    and it seems we have a problem with your son here. Him and a few of his friends
    were picked up this morning for a few misconduct charges and in order for him
    to be released you’ll need to come down here and sign for him.”
    “What do you mean I have to come down there,” he moans, “he’s eighteen years
    old, can’t he be let out himself? What’s he in there for?”
    “Well, sir, an officer picked him up in downtown for running amok with a
    stick. Seems he was going a little crazy and hitting old ladies on the head
    and screaming something about canoe heads. He was given a sobriety test along
    with his friends and they were all intoxicated with grape kool-aid. This being
    a Friday, there’s no way he’ll get out until at least Monday evening and even
    then, we won’t be able to release the Camero as it’s registered under your
    “This is all kind of shocking to me…uhh…what do I need to do here? I can
    …that little son of a bitch…”, he starts muttering to himself.
    “Sir, you don’t need to use that kind of language around my phone. Now first
    of all I’m going to need a little information from you to help clear all this
    up. He’s facing charges on public intoxication, misconduct, running amok with
    a stick in the third degree, burglary and terrorism charges. I need to-“
    “What do you mean, terrorism?,” he screams, “and where did the burglary
    charge come from?”
    “Well, as I was saying before you inturrupted, I don’t know how you people
    do things up there in Michigan but down here in Texas you can’t just walk into
    the Nations bank with pantyhose on your head and demand money. It also turns
    out that the FBI is seeking him as the John Doe #2 involved in the Oklahoma
    City bombing. A secretary here recognized him right away and the feds are on
    their way to interrogate him right now. First off, I need to know exactly
    where they were staying so the search warrant can be served. You son is being
    very uncooperative since we found the cocaine in the trunk.”
    “He was staying at the Holiday Inn at Emerald Beach.”
    “Okay, very good. And could I have your social security number?”
    “Yes, it’s 600-00-7913”
    “Alright, and for my report here I need your AT&T or local Bell calling card
    “Oh. Let me see here…Okay, it’s 906-341-xxxx-xxxx. What’s this for again?”
    “Don’t worry about it. Now if you’ll-

    I looked up and noticed an angry nurse looking at me, demanding her chair back.
    “It’s okay, ma’am. I’m with the PLA,” I said and held up a Phone Losers Of
    America business card for her to see and she walks back to her desk, confused.

    “When was your son planning on returning home?”
    “Tomorrow morning. He was planning on leaving first thing in the morning.”

    At this point I hung up. This man was getting pretty boring and I had other
    things to deal with. Like Holiday Inn. The lady at the front desk was very
    concerned after I indentified myself as “Bill from Visa” and explained that the
    young man staying in room #236 was using a stolen credit card. Unfortunately,
    I had just missed them. They had checked out a mere two hours ago. And I was
    going to go break into the room. Well, maybe this is better because now the
    dad won’t be able to contact them and he’ll fly or drive down to get him out
    of jail.

    I went up to the counter and told the nurse there to go grab me a Pepsi from
    the break room and threw her a dollar. “Get one for yourself, too, babe.” When
    she left, I grabbed her car keys off the counter, put her chair back for her
    (hey, I was feeling nice) and headed for the parking lot. Her car wasn’t hard
    to find, being the only Toyota in the lot. I hopped in and took off.

    Half a tank of gas, stick shift, working cassette player and tucked up in
    the sun visor was a Diamond Shamrock gas card. A nice plus, but wouldn’t do me
    a whole lot of good once I got into Kansas. At least she had semi-good taste
    in music. I put in a Ramones tape and began to drive…

    Driving all over town, I couldn’t find them. I circled around the hotel
    parking lot a few times but no sign of them. I went to Diamond Shamrock, filled
    up on gas, chips, soda, magazines, candy, maps, cigarettes and a road atlas.
    Going back to the car I remembered that I quit smoking a few years ago but
    what the hell, it’s all free. I gave one pack to a bum asking for money. I
    contemplated stopping by my house but decided against it. Nothing I really
    needed there, besides, I had my backpack which included my cell fone, red box,
    electronic organizer, spiral notebook, half a bag of Cheetos and ummm…let’s
    see…My work uniform shirt. I threw this out the window as I drove towards
    Interstate 37.

    My concern wasn’t really finding them along the way. That would be very
    unlikely to begin with. Actually, I’m not too sure what my main concern was.
    I guess fighting off the boredom and not really wanting to go to work that
    night. So I drove north, towards Oklahoma City, where I needed to stop and
    make a few phone calls. The drive was a little longer than I anticipated and
    thirteen hours later I arrived at a rest stop in Minco, a town outside of
    Oklahoma City. I put the seat back and closed my eyes for a good five hours
    of sleep. I didn’t even see the red Camero pull in next to me.

    The next morning I awoke to some little kids running around outside and
    yelling a little too loud for 7:30 a.m. I staggered over to the pay phone and
    called Dale’s house. As I hoped for, nobody was home. It took me about seven
    tries but I finally got into their answering machine messages. A few real
    estate messages and then one from Dale.

    “Hi, Dad! It’s me..Uhh…it’s 6:13 a.m. and we’re in Tulsa, eating breakfast.
    Just wanted to call and let you know that things are going okay. Haven’t been
    arrested or anything, ha ha! Did you hear anything more from the police? Well,
    we should be there in a couple of days. Love you. Oh yeah, something’s wrong
    with your credit card. For some reason it was canceled and the clerk at the
    Exxon station cut it in half so we’re using cash ’til we get there.”

    I was starting to get a little pissed that they were so far ahead of me but
    that was cut short when the next message started playing, “Yes, I’m calling
    for a Mr. Frank Tullar. This is Lt. Davis from the Corpus Christi police
    department and I’m returning the call regarding your son. We’ve never had a
    Dale Tullar in custody and there’s not even an officer Edward Garcia working
    in this city. I don’t know if this is a prank or what, but I think you called
    the wrong city or something…”

    I ran in the bathroom to brush my teeth, shave and then headed north again,
    hoping to catch up to them. One thing that damn nurse didn’t have was a radar
    detector. I stopped in Oklahoma City to check out the infamous federal
    building wreckage, took a few pictures and got on Interstate 44, going
    towards Tulsa. On the long drive I began to think. That’s when I realized
    that I forgot to tell Colleen Card I wouldn’t be home last night. Whoops. I
    got on the cell fone and did some major explaining to her. Got hung up on a
    few times and finally convinced her to pick up some airline tickets and fly up
    to Wichita, Kansas to meet me. I set up the airline tickets through a local
    travel agency in Corpus. Too bad Mr. Tullar’s card had been mysteriously
    canceled or I could have used that to fly her up there. Instead I used a card
    belonging to some girl named Lisa, the girl who worked at the travel agency.
    That would be a tough one for her to explain.

    About five hours later I was in the airport parking lot, waiting for Colleen
    to show up. In all, I only lost an hour on them AND I was brought a change of
    clothes and my lucky tooth brush.

    “Nice car, where’d it come from?”
    “Spohn Hospital. Come on, we got to catch up with ’em.”

    We made a pit stop in Lawrence, Kansas so I could plug into a certain sysop’s
    telco box and leave the phone off the hook on some 900 numbers. Then we
    continued into Missouri and through Illinois, stopping only once in a small
    town in Illinois called Altamont to have some breakfast at Gilbert’s Restaurant
    and to discover that most of the town’s population had no teeth. Most of the
    ride was uneventful, boring stretches of Interstate look the same in just about
    any state you go through. It reminded me of why I always take the backroads
    and normal highways when traveling.

    We tried to get into the Tullar’s answering machine after we got lost and
    ended up in Logansport, Indiana, but Mr. Tullar kept picking up the phone.

    Finally, I asked him, “Where’s your son right now?”
    “Well, he’s on vacation and should be home tomorrow.”
    “No, I mean, what state is he in right now?”
    “Oh! Well, he called a few hours ago from Effingham, Illinois. Who’s this?”
    “I’m just the guy who’s stalking him. Don’t worry about me, ” I replied and
    hung up. I looked on the map and found he was pretty far away so we hung
    around Logansport for a few hours, checked out the museums, their “beach”,
    and attended the Iron Horse Festival. Of all the places to visit we get one
    that has a yearly railroad festival. That being done, we continued towards
    Michigan, hoping to see Dale on the road somewhere.

    Finally we made our way out of the backwoods and into Michigan, a state I had
    yet to visit. Unfortunately, a state trooper outside the city limits of
    Coldwater, Michigan noticed that Colleen was driving about 30 miles over the
    speed limit and started chasing us. It was a pretty intense car chase around
    the city and finally ended with us and the police car crashing into the front
    doors of the Tibbits Opera House and into the lobby. Air bags, you gotta love

    I assume the officer had been rendered unconscience becuase we weren’t chased
    when we ran from the building. We ran across the field, through some back yards
    and ended up in the middle of a huge crowd of people. We later found out this
    was the Bronson Polish Fevtival or something like that. We stopped at a
    concession to buy a few overpriced Cokes and to consider our options. A block
    away a man parked his car next to a store and went inside with several large
    boxes. I picked up my backpack and we ran to the car, got in and drove off.
    Small towns, you gotta love ’em!

    Aside from an almost empty tank of gas, we were doing not so bad. Feeling
    paranoid, we waited until we got into Tekonsha to get some gas and continued
    to drive up Interstate 69 towards Lansing. The rest of the drive north was
    more or less boring. The new car was a little battered, yet fast enough. There
    was a nice radio but no cassette player meaning we had to try and toon in the
    crappy hick stations along the way. The best one was some little independant
    station around Ithaca where an old woman was selling her pot holders on the
    radio. “Three pot holders for the price of one?? Am I crazy??” She was quite
    hilarious and I may write the radio station for a copy of that commercial to
    include in a PLA .WAV someday.

    We finally reached Mackinaw City, Michigan’s lower peninsula and the end of
    our Interstate driving. It took about ten minutes to make it across the
    Mackinac Bridge, probably the longest bridge I ever went across. We arrived in
    St. Ignace and started driving west on Highway 2, only a few hours from
    Manistique, home of the guy who made me lose my Big Gulp. I wondered if he was
    there yet.

    Brevort, Engadine, Blaney Park and finally Mantistique. We had made a stop
    at a Wal-Mart in Engadine so I could pick up some school supplies and made a
    few fake I.D.’s on the way there, one in Dale’s name and one in his dad’s name.

    Manistique seemed to be mostly an upper-class type of town located on the
    edge of Lake Michigan with Indian Lake on the other side and some kind of a
    really odd bridge somewhere in the middle. Dale’s house wasn’t hard to find
    and his Camero was in the driveway.

    Wait a minute, this is the introduction, isn’t it? Why the hell am I rambling
    on about my personal problems? Here’s PLA Issue #30. Not a whole lot in it,
    but enjoy it before the feds come over a confiscate it along with your computer.
    Ah, I’ve got just a few more things to say…After all these months we finally
    decided to call back Dino Allsman just to say “hi” and he didn’t really
    appriciate the call. Zak tried to tell him that we were sorry and he just
    cussed a lot in our general direction. I think the 2 minute string of swearing
    from him would have made an excellent recording but stupidly, I wasn’t taping
    any of it. (See PLA014 for the scoop on Dino.)

    I also hope it’s alright with Dark Tangent if I advertise a partyline he set
    up for phreaks. The number is 801-855-3326. For those few of you that call
    Hotel California, you’ll notice that this one is similar but it’s more phreak
    related. Enjoy!

    Cainesville Gets Fones Installed – by RedBoxChiliPepper

    This is a good one that Colleen Card pulled up on the library computer. It’s
    a local news broadcast transcript on 10/23/94 about a little town in Utah that’s
    never had fones installed until a few months ago. So here it is…

    DANIEL ZWERDLING, Host: We are now calling a number in Cainesville, Utah, and
    Weekend All Things Considered feels very, very honored to – four, five, six –
    we feel honored to be able to make history in this way. This town has never had
    telephones before, ever, and they got 17 of them installed just three weeks
    ago. [sound of phone ringing] So far, so good.

    FORREST SIMS, Cainesville Resident: Hello?

    ZWERDLING: Forrest Sims?

    MR. SIMS: Yes?

    ZWERDLING: Hi. I was just about to tell our listeners that this is one of the
    first phone calls that you guys have had in this town.

    MR. SIMS: That’s pretty close, yes.

    ZWERDLING: Why did it take so long for you to get telephones? I mean, this town
    has never, ever had phones, right?

    MR. SIMS: Well, they did many, many years ago, but it was just a single, little
    old hand crank, and then, when most of the people left, they just kind of
    rolled up the wire behind them as they left.

    ZWERDLING: Now, Forrest Sims, you own an RV camper park, right, called
    Sleepy Hollow?

    MR. SIMS: Yes. It’s a little RV campground.

    ZWERDLING: And, what I’m wondering is, for all these years that you’ve lived
    in this town, how did not having telephones make life better or worse for you?

    MR. SIMS: Well, we think it hurt the business a little bit. We would just kind
    of get together if we needed to make a bunch of phone calls. We would just wait
    ’til we got a fairly decent list going and then just drive into town and make
    the phone calls.

    ZWERDLING: So how far did you have to drive to make a phone call?

    MR. SIMS: It would be 22 miles one way.

    ZWERDLING: And, Forrest Sims, I should mention before we go on, we have
    another one of the 35 residents of Cainesville on the line with us now.
    Ethel Jackson, are you there?

    ETHEL JACKSON, Cainsville Resident: Yes, I am.

    ZWERDLING: Hi. Well, congratulations.

    MS. JACKSON: Thank you.

    ZWERDLING: I’m wondering, Ethel Jackson, and also Forrest Sims. I’m trying to
    picture living in a town where I can’t call any of the neighbors by telephone.
    So that means if I want to talk to somebody, I have to either walk or drive to
    their house, right?

    MS. JACKSON: Right.

    MR. SIMS: Well, as far as I’m concerned, the way it’s been for us, you know,
    that’s kind of nice, because then you get to see your neighbor once in a while
    and sit and visit.

    MS. JACKSON: That’s what I think. Now we don’t get to see them.

    MR. SIMS: What was that Ethel? Go ahead.

    MS. JACKSON: Now we don’t get to see our neighbors.

    MR. SIMS: That’s about it. You know, you know of- in a way, you stop going down
    and visiting, and so, that way, maybe it’s hurt a little bit. Yeah.

    ZWERDLING: Now, I would also guess that sometimes people would- you know, you’d
    show up unannounced, obviously, because you couldn’t announce it with a phone
    call, and would people say, “Hey, why don’t you stop, you know, come on in and
    have lunch or dinner?”

    MS. JACKSON: That’s what it is. That’s what it’s all about.

    MR. SIMS: Yeah. That’s the way it always happens.

    ZWERDLING: But I take it people are going to have lunch and dinner with each
    other less often?

    MS. JACKSON: Well-

    MR. SIMS: I don’t think so. Do you, Ethel?

    MS. JACKSON: No, I don’t. Maybe it might be just your local people around here
    but we still have people that drop in and-

    ZWERDLING: Hmmmm. Well, Ethel Jackson, how many phone calls have you received

    MS. JACKSON: Today?

    ZWERDLING: Mmm-hmm.

    MS. JACKSON: Oh, I’ve received one from Forrest and three from the lady that
    contacted me, and then-

    ZWERDLING: Wait. This is all calls concerning this interview? Those don’t
    count. Forget those four phone calls. [Didn’t she say three??]

    MS. JACKSON: Oh. Well, I have my little grandchildren that call every day to
    see how we are.

    ZWERDLING: Oh, that’s nice. And, Forrest Sims, what about you? Are you
    spending a lot of time on the phone now?

    MR. SIMS: Yeah, more so that if I had no phone, of course, naturally. But, so
    far, most of it has been, you know, just to conduct business, and of course,
    talk to the family, which is out of state or, you know, up in Salt Lake.

    ZWERDLING: All riht. Well, listen, Forrest Sims, Ethel Jackson, thanks very
    much for speaking with us today. I understand that this is the first- the very
    first conference call you’ve ever had in your town?

    MR. SIMS: Yes. That’s for sure. I can say that.

    ZWERDLING: Well, thanks for letting us be part of it.

    MR. SIMS: Oh, you’re quite welcome.

    ZWERDLING: And, Ethel Jackson, if you don’t get any- if you don’t get more
    than one call a day, you can always call us here at NPR.

    MR. JACKSON: Oh, or you can call me. [laughter]

    ZWERDLING: All right. I’ll do that.

    MS. JACKSON: Okay. Thank you. Bye.

    ZWERDLING: Bye-Bye.

    MR. SIMS: Bye-bye, now.

    And that’s it. After I read the transcript a few times I went crazy with the
    801 Utah information trying to locate Mr. Sims and Ms. Jackson so I could
    bother them with silly questions and maybe order them a few calling cards but
    information couldn’t find anything listed. No police station, no chamber of
    commerce, no fire department, nothing. The information operator was even a
    little weirded out about this and I told her they just got phones installed
    in their town a few months ago and she said, “I doubt that.”

    If anyone can get some information on this town, I’d really appriciate it.
    There’s no way for me to even order tourist information because there’s no
    Chamber of Commerce to call. So if anyone gets any info on the town, please
    U.S. mail it to me and you’ll receive a free subscription to the PLA mag! You
    can’t beat that, can you?

    How To Get PHREE Merchandise From Your Local Electronics Store – by Dr. Dre(512)

    Are you tired of these assholes ripping you off? Are you tired of buying
    electronics for 25 times what it takes Intel, Radio Shack, GE, etc, to make
    their products? That’s where you come in! There is a simple way to get
    electronics for phree these days and it’s called bullshiting.

    Bullshiting can be a lot of phun. In order for it to work you have to be and
    outgoing social person whose not afraid to tell people what the hell you think
    about them. Bullshiting is very simple. There are many ways to accomplish
    bullshiting. The first is to phind a local electronics store that has very
    poor security. I mean they have absolute shit for security. Stores who keep
    their merchandise behind the counter (e.g. Circuit City & Best Products) are
    the absolute worst places to hit. Pick easy going stores like Radio Shack,
    Computer City, and Best Buy.

    Their are two ways of bullshiting that I personally know of. The first way is
    going into the selected store, pick up whatever the product is that you need,
    rip the plastic off, walk to the return desk and bullshit them. What I mean by
    “bullshit” is I want you to give them your very best lie. I want you to have
    this lie memorized back and forth OK? What you are going to tell them is that
    you bought this product a couple of weeks ago and that it doesn’t work now.
    You just want your money back or an exchange. You lost the receipt and don’t
    know what to do.

    Possible outcomes:

    1. They exchange the product for a new one
    2. They give you a CASH refund.
    3. They tell you to get the hell out of their store (in this
    case run out with the merchandise!!)
    4. They arrest you? In this case you are going to need to
    bullshit a lot to get out of this one!

    The second way of bullshiting is a little less risky. This idea was taken
    from P.L.A. text file #12. The only difference is that you won’t be returning
    only modems, you will be returning anything you want. In esence, what you do
    is you buy a product, lets say a 128bit video card with 4 megs of onboard
    video ram.

    Lets also say you bought this video card for $300. What you are fixing to do
    is, take your old 256k MCGA video card, put it in the 128bit video card box
    and return it to the store in which you bought it from. Not only are you
    getting you money back, but you are getting a PHREE video card worth $300.
    Possible outcomes:

    1. They ask you, “Hey what are you trying to pull here?”
    Your resonse, “What do you mean?”
    “Well sir, it looks to me like you are trying to cheat us out
    here!” “What, what the fuck, hey listen bitch! I am just trying
    to get my motherfucking money back. Your goddamned video card
    isn’t worth shit. The guy who bought it before me must have done
    it.” “Uhhh ok sir here’s your money, sorry this happened.”

    2. “Here you go sir, just fill these papers out and I’ll
    give you a refund.”

    3. “Well sorry sir, We can exchange it for you, or give you
    in-store credit.” (In this case you can get even more shit and
    return it later!)

    I personally have done the first and second one many times. Hell, half of my
    computer I got for PHREE!! :) This includes a Super VGA card, a 14.4k Baud
    modem (I didn’t like it so I sold it for $50 and phree exchanged a USR 28.8k
    modem), a mouse and a shitload of software. See bullshiting can be fun and
    profitable, ya just have to get good at it and keep a straight face.

    P.L.A.n Carefully!!!

    Adult GIFs on Roy’s Place – by RedBoxChiliPepper

    Roy’s Place, one of the two main PLA support boards has an adult GIF section
    that was looking rather bare so me & Zak (Big Roy) decided to spice up the
    GIF descriptions there a bit. So over the next few months we added descriptions
    to the adult GIFs and people are taking them seriously too, thinking
    that our bogus descriptions are for real. So here’s a listing of the current
    adult GIFs on Roy’s Place (618-797-2339) as of 5/11/95. Hopefully these will
    be somewhat entertaining to you… (By the way, I edited out the blank ones so
    the numbers on the left are a little screwy.)

    Real Cool Disgusting Pics – #2, 248 files.
    1¦!LEZ-1 .GIF¦ 161k¦A picture of Dappy from the Clip Joint.
    2¦!LEZ-2 .GIF¦ 83k¦Dappy banging her dog, Cumhead.
    5¦#10BOOBS.GIF¦ 173k¦A Plumpers lady with 10 boobs coming out her ass.
    6¦150ZZZ#4.GIF¦ 141k¦Deter eating poo poo
    7¦16INCH-6.GIF¦ 188k¦Picture of Alex Carbon
    8¦17TEEN .GIF¦ 87k¦Hurry up and go away
    9¦1CORN .GIF¦ 146k¦A woman playing with her food.
    10¦2-MUCH .GIF¦ 117k¦Ameritech Corporate Security Group Photo
    11¦3DEB020 .GIF¦ 45k¦I’ll bring my bookbag and some orange juice!
    12¦4-PLAY-G.GIF¦ 127k¦Roy & his gerbil having foreplay
    13¦4FINGERS.GIF¦ 40k¦A girl with four fingers up her nose
    14¦4FIST2 .GIF¦ 107k¦four fists up her nose
    15¦55DD .GIF¦ 131k¦A Troy, IL police officer wacking off in his car.
    16¦ADRIENE .GIF¦ 120k¦My ex-girlfriend, Adriene
    17¦AFTER .GIF¦ 53k¦Roy after he molested 28 gerbils
    18¦ALYSSA .GIF¦ 106k¦Jim Bayless laying spread eagle by the Ameritech building
    19¦AMY05 .GIF¦ 192k¦Some girl in the street that we mollested.
    14¦ANNIE3 .GIF¦ 45k¦Jerry Falwell getting some.
    16¦ARIEL01_.GIF¦ 196k¦Jaysen Phillips shiting on his car
    17¦ARIEL02_.GIF¦ 100k¦Deter
    18¦ARIEL03_.GIF¦ 114k¦I’m alex carbon and i ain’t got any calling card
    19¦ARIEL04_.GIF¦ 100k¦human feces and urine
    20¦ARIEL05_.GIF¦ 140k¦t.p. for my bungholeo
    1¦ARIEL06_.GIF¦ 131k¦a gallon of milk
    2¦ARIEL07_.GIF¦ 127k¦An exploding toilet.
    3¦ARIEL08_.GIF¦ 135k¦my job application for quiktrip
    4¦ARIEL_B .GIF¦ 91k¦Deter
    6¦ASIA_P00.GIF¦ 133k¦God molested my children.
    9¦AUSTIN .GIF¦ 139k¦The Bell orgy at HoHoCon in Austin, Texas
    11¦B-BUSTY2.GIF¦ 130k¦Deter
    12¦BAMY-009.GIF¦ 73k¦A chick sucking on her own big toes
    14¦BARBIE .GIF¦ 195k¦My little 3-year old sister, Barbie.
    15¦BASINGER.GIF¦ 87k¦Kim Basinger eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich
    16¦BATH .GIF¦ 33k¦Robert E Allen (pres. of AT&T) taking a bubble bath.
    17¦BATTERUP.GIF¦ 32k¦Ryan Grant hitting his 7-eleven manager with a bat.
    18¦BELL .GIF¦ 116k¦Various Bell employees naked & playing with themselves
    19¦BELLE .GIF¦ 58k¦Deter
    20¦BELLE01 .GIF¦ 121k¦a mustard cutting factory
    1¦BELLE02 .GIF¦ 137k¦shit
    2¦BELLE03 .GIF¦ 130k¦The PLA terrorizing a lineman
    3¦BELLE04 .GIF¦ 157k¦the PLA being frightening
    4¦BELLE05 .GIF¦ 126k¦The PLA taking over the 618 area code
    5¦BELLE06 .GIF¦ 147k¦The PLA looting a Best Buy
    6¦BELLE_A .GIF¦ 87k¦Brent Deterding
    7¦BEV .GIF¦ 125k¦The DOC from STNG!
    8¦BIGMAM10.GIF¦ 147k¦Jim Bakker screwing Tammy’s pet gerbil.
    9¦BIGNIPS .GIF¦ 102k¦Danny Colwell showing off his big nipples
    10¦BLAIR1 .GIF¦ 151k¦Picture of Francis G. Blair elementary school
    11¦BLAIRTIT.GIF¦ 71k¦AT&T family picnic being bombed by the PLA
    12¦BLONDE29.GIF¦ 30k¦Deter in drag
    13¦BREETWNS.GIF¦ 131k¦The Jerky Boys having sex together.
    14¦BRIANNA4.GIF¦ 287k¦Bundy girl
    15¦BRUN-11 .GIF¦ 229k¦Deter beating off to a copy of Plumpers
    16¦BUNNY .GIF¦ 81k¦Deter raping a cute bunny
    17¦BUSTY-1 .GIF¦ 69k¦Deter touching his huge boobies
    18¦BUSTY9 .GIF¦ 71k¦Todd Ahlers kicking his dog in the Boobies
    19¦BUSTY_31.GIF¦ 243k¦Sylvia thompson with lung cancer
    20¦BUSTY_33.GIF¦ 202k¦A dancing bowl of snot
    1¦BUSTY_34.GIF¦ 145k¦*burp*
    2¦BUSTY_35.GIF¦ 137k¦Cookies are good
    3¦BUTTHOLE.GIF¦ 183k¦Apple pie on toast
    4¦CANDY03 .GIF¦ 101k¦Roy waving his private parts around a little girl.
    5¦CANDY04 .GIF¦ 110k¦Roy offering candy to a gerbil if he’ll get in his car
    6¦CASS3 .GIF¦ 162k¦Jason Crews nude, taping himself to the ceiling
    7¦CC-NOTOP.GIF¦ 175k¦A naked Cactus
    29¦CHRISTY .GIF¦ 51k¦Christy Brinkley vaccuming the carpet.
    10¦COEDS2 .GIF¦ 24k¦A picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 2 coeds
    11¦COEDS3 .GIF¦ 30k¦A picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 3 coeds
    12¦COEDS4 .GIF¦ 29k¦A picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 4 coeds
    13¦COEDS5 .GIF¦ 31k¦A picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 5 coeds
    14¦COEDS6 .GIF¦ 33k¦A picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 6 coeds & a gerbil
    15¦COURTNEY.GIF¦ 139k¦Courtney Love shooting Kirk in the head.
    16¦DENISE14.GIF¦ 57k¦A girl named Denise watching a Gerbil
    17¦DENISE16.GIF¦ 42k¦Denise running amok with a stick
    18¦DEY-SUSA.GIF¦ 58k¦Dr. Seuss masturbating.
    20¦DONA .GIF¦ 31k¦Donna scanning cordless Phones
    2¦EJ1 .GIF¦ 7k¦Danny Colwell shoving a large coke up his ass
    3¦FAMILY-2.GIF¦ 131k¦Deters parents screwing him
    7¦FLADY001.GIF¦ 67k¦Mrs. Hagar flying down the stairs, late for work!
    8¦FLADY002.GIF¦ 69k¦Deter doing filthy things with a pack of condoms
    11¦GASPUMP .GIF¦ 162k¦Deter pumping gas in the ass
    12¦GESS101E.GIF¦ 71k¦A gerbil working on the Telco ESS
    13¦GFB051 .GIF¦ 78k¦Todd Ahlers molesting a kittycat
    20¦GL#40PSL.GIF¦ 117k¦Roy’s Place, Telly speaking
    1¦GL07-PSL.GIF¦ 113k¦Steve, manager of Am\Pm, next to the slurpee machine
    16¦GUESS9 .GIF¦ 206k¦All asian gifs for pizza slut
    18¦HOTDAY .GIF¦ 232k¦the PLA being bad in a Radio Shack
    19¦HOTTEST2.GIF¦ 114k¦A picture of the sun
    20¦HOTTEST4.GIF¦ 135k¦Some Naked picture
    3¦JENNYBBS.GIF¦ 87k¦My hot baby jenny
    15¦KATYA .GIF¦ 90k¦Katya sitting on the couch eating Pringles chips
    16¦KATYA4 .GIF¦ 67k¦Erik B. touching hisself where it doesn’t feel right
    12¦LOTYA .GIF¦ 24k¦Todd Ahlers stimulating himself with a phone cord.
    10¦MARKIE .GIF¦ 42k¦Markie Mark & Homey G Roy getting it on
    11¦MATTIE .GIF¦ 24k¦Mattie vaccuming the living room.
    12¦MNRVASEX.GIF¦ 61k¦Ung
    14¦MOORE02 .GIF¦ 79k¦Mary Tyler Moore eating broccli.
    15¦MPOST .GIF¦ 50k¦Jason Crews standing on a post, eating denture table
    19¦ORIENT3 .GIF¦ 37k¦Todd Ahlers smearing himself with Egg Foo Young
    20¦ORIENT4 .GIF¦ 30k¦Lee Willie, manager of granite city radio shack
    1¦ORIENT7 .GIF¦ 23k¦Ung
    2¦PASSION1.GIF¦ 55k¦Bob passionately touching his farm animals.
    3¦PASSION2.GIF¦ 58k¦Bob’s farm animals passionately touching each other.
    4¦PASSION3.GIF¦ 55k¦He kicked my fucking ass al over the store
    10¦PAULINAN.GIF¦ 79k¦Sol rosenberg and Frank Rizzo at the AT&T building
    11¦PEARLS .GIF¦ 83k¦A naked pic of my dog.
    12¦PIGTAIL7.GIF¦ 126k¦A naked pigtail
    15¦PUSSY .GIF¦ 39k¦My kitty cat shivering after being out in the rain.
    18¦SLAMMIN .GIF¦ 99k¦Woohoo! I’m naked
    19¦SN1 .GIF¦ 165k¦The Bolivian Navy on Manuvers
    20¦SOAPY .GIF¦ 26k¦A picture of an Oregon Relay Operator taking a bath
    2¦SUZIEQ .GIF¦ 50k¦Martini
    12¦TEENS3 .GIF¦ 137k¦Chris & Ryan taking a bubble bath together
    13¦TEENS4 .GIF¦ 124k¦MY NAME IS ROY
    14¦TONYA3 .GIF¦ 135k¦Chris & Ryan swinging fruity together
    15¦TOWERS50.GIF¦ 79k¦The world trade center
    16¦TRACY .GIF¦ 56k¦Deter and Danny Colwell doing bad things with popsic
    17¦UNDIES .GIF¦ 64k¦My underwear on the airport carosel
    18¦VANNA-W .GIF¦ 38k¦Vanna White doing her taxes.
    19¦VLR5 .GIF¦ 59k¦Deter stroking a stereo
    20¦VPBATH .GIF¦ 89k¦Jamie and her remote control socks
    1¦WARNRCHY.GIF¦ 61k¦Yeah
    3¦WET .GIF¦ 73k¦A picture of a garden hose.
    4¦WHOME1 .GIF¦ 118k¦The PLA blowing up the Ameritech building
    5¦WORK .GIF¦ 29k¦Artie, the strongest man in the world
    6¦WORKOUT .GIF¦ 96k¦RedBoxChiliPepper raping an MCI operator
    7¦XALADDIN.GIF¦ 195k¦Uh huh
    8¦XMAS2 .GIF¦ 30k¦RBCP’s Christmas photo ’94.
    9¦ZENA1 .GIF¦ 151k¦The PLA kidnapping Jim Bayless
    4¦DENISE14.GIF¦ 57k¦A girl named Denise watching a Gerbil
    5¦DENISE16.GIF¦ 42k¦Denise running amok with a stick
    6¦DEY-SUSA.GIF¦ 58k¦Chris Tomkinson watching buffy the vampire slayer
    7¦DONA .GIF¦ 31k¦Donna scanning cordless Phones
    8¦EJ1 .GIF¦ 7k¦Kith kanan dancing the jig
    9¦FLADY001.GIF¦ 67k¦Nancy Reagan giving chris the ride of his life
    10¦FLADY002.GIF¦ 69k¦Ronald Reagan giving chris the ride of his life
    11¦GESS101E.GIF¦ 71k¦A gerbil working on the Telco ESS
    12¦GFB051 .GIF¦ 78k¦Todd Ahlers molesting a kittycat
    13¦GL#40PSL.GIF¦ 117k¦Roy’s Place, Telly speaking
    15¦HOTTEST2.GIF¦ 114k¦A picture of the sun
    18¦KATYA .GIF¦ 90k¦Katya sitting on the couch eating Pringles chips
    20¦KRAFT75 .GIF¦ 184k¦A GIF of a plate of Kraft American Cheese
    1¦LORETTA .GIF¦ 168k¦Have you seen my dentures?
    5¦MONKEY .GIF¦ 46k¦A monkey & a gerbil having sex
    6¦MOORE02 .GIF¦ 79k¦Mary Tyler Moore eating broccli.
    7¦MPOST .GIF¦ 50k¦Jason Crews standing on a post, eating denture tablets
    8¦ORIENT3 .GIF¦ 37k¦Todd Ahlers smearing himself with Egg Foo Young
    9¦ORIENT4 .GIF¦ 30k¦Pork fried Rice
    10¦ORIENT7 .GIF¦ 23k¦soy sauce
    11¦PASSION1.GIF¦ 55k¦Chris TOmkinson passionately touching his armpit
    12¦PASSION2.GIF¦ 58k¦Chris Tomkinson passionately touching his mom.
    13¦PASSION3.GIF¦ 55k¦Chris Tomkinson losing his lunch in the toilet
    14¦PAULINAN.GIF¦ 79k¦Mr. Pauli Nan drowning in oatmeal
    15¦PEARLS .GIF¦ 83k¦A naked pic of my dog.
    16¦PUSSY .GIF¦ 39k¦A picture of Chris Tomkinson’s shaved pussy
    17¦SOAPY .GIF¦ 26k¦A picture of an Oregon Relay Operator taking a bath
    18¦SUZIEQ .GIF¦ 50k¦RBCP’s mom tied up with a lamp cord
    19¦TRACY .GIF¦ 56k¦Tracy hacking on the internet
    20¦VANNA-W .GIF¦ 38k¦Vanna White doing her taxes.
    1¦VLR5 .GIF¦ 59k¦Ryan Grant stroking a stereo
    2¦VPBATH .GIF¦ 89k¦Jamie had her remote control socks
    3¦WET .GIF¦ 73k¦A picture of a garden hose.
    4¦WHOME1 .GIF¦ 118k¦Mr. Beef Head
    5¦WORK .GIF¦ 29k¦Artie, the strongest man in the world
    6¦WORKOUT .GIF¦ 96k¦RedBoxChiliPepper raping an MCI operator
    7¦XMAS2 .GIF¦ 30k¦RBCP’s Christmas photo ’94.
    8¦ZENA1 .GIF¦ 151k¦Chris Tomkinson’s dad

    And that’s all. Most of it isn’t understandable because they deal with private
    jokes so I’ll try to enlighten those who really care. Jim Bayless is an
    Ameritech employee, Chris Tomkinson is an back stabbing kind of old friend,
    Danny Colwell is a thieving little shit, Ryan Grant is Chris Tomkinson’s
    roommate and possible lover in college, Roy is Roy, Todd Ahlers is a person
    who has the misfortune to own a telephone and Jason Crews is an uptight
    little nobody who always forgets to bring the milk in, Brent Deterding (Deter)
    is a little lame-o kid who everyone likes to laugh at alot and gets beat up in
    school all the time and tries to use calling cards straight from his home.

    Phone Losers Of America Headline News

    “Two Phone Company Employees Charged With Assault” – associated press

    OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – Two employees of Southwestern Bell are facing up to three
    years in prison and fines of up to $5000 each for assaulting a local citizen.
    Roy Coldwell, 29 and Darin McCall, 35, both telephone linemen for Southwestern
    Bell both claim that a local resident had opened up one of their trucks while
    they were sitting inside on a lunch break, grabbed a Bell hat and ran.

    Coldwell, once a U.S. Olympic marathon winner soon caught up to the resident
    and forced him to the ground, knocking the Bell hat out of his hands and began
    to beat the resident to a bloody pulp with his lineman’s handset. McCall then
    arrived on the scene, kicking the victim with his Bell issued steel toed
    boots. Luckily, the event occurred in front of Rhonda’s Donut Shop and Officer
    O’Mally was able to stop the employees.

    Both Coldwell and McCall are being held in the Oklahoma county jail on $25,000
    bond. The victim, who’s name is not yet being released, is in stable condition
    and recovering at the OKCITY hospital. It is rumored that he is a member of Poi.

    Colleen Card found a pretty interesting article in the local paper. It will
    probably make you think twice about trying certain things described in

    VENTURA, CA – A man furious over a failed land deal took it out on the
    property owner by having 90,000 magazines sent to her address.
    “I got every known magazine on the face of the Earth,” lawyer Theresa
    McConville said after Reynaldo Fong was sentenced Tuesday. Fong got a year in
    jail for forging her name on subscription forms.
    “He could have won a Nobel prize if he would have put as much energy into his
    job as he did with me, ” said McConville of Camarillo, who got the unsolicited
    magazines over the past 13 years.
    Fong, 45, of Santa Paula is an anesthesiologist from the Philippines who has
    been in the United States illegally since his visa expired in 1980.
    According to a probation report, Fong said he had a vendetta against
    McConville because she rejected his bid for land she was selling.

    RALIEGH, NC – Kevin Mitnick, recently captured for illegal computer hacking,
    has possibly added a few more years to his possible sentence by pulling yet
    another stunt from his prison cell. The vetran computer hacker was denied all
    access to a public prison phone for fear that he would cause even more
    trouble but what authorities apparently forgot to do a full body cavity search
    on Mitnick.

    Two weeks after being sent to prison, Mitnick remember hiding a cellular
    phone in his butt cheeks. After a little digging around he was able to locate
    the phone and made several calls to various long distance companies, shutting
    down phone service for much of the Eastern United States and ordering flowers
    for Lenny DeCicco, his old partner in crime. Mitnick was unavailble for

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