Curtis Lee Jones

A few years ago we were introduced to the most awesome hacking force on the internet, otherwise known as Curtis Lee Jones. Curtis began his hacking career by joining Yahoo chatrooms under the hacker handle quiet_killer_187_h and using his extensive hacker knowledge of elite Yahoo hacking scripts to boot people out of chatrooms. It quickly escalated from there to harassing and stalking numerous females in Oregon chatrooms and shortly thereafter, real life stalking when Curtis traveled from Pennsylvania to Oregon to meet some of the people from the chatrooms. But that’s a whole other subplot that we won’t get into.

Below is our video/song ode to Curtis Lee Jones
The PLA got involved in the Curtis Lee Jones saga when we noticed the story of Curtis on a website called major-losers.com. Soon after that, we contacted some of the ladies in Oregon who were stalked by Curtis and managed to track down his home phone number. Curtis’s life was never the same after that. Curtis and his wife didn’t take kindly to being called at home and soon began fighting back by screaming in Yahoo chatrooms, making collect calls to RBCP’s house, threatening calls to Heywood at messedup.net and numerous calls to Yahoo and our webhosts, attempting to shut down all of our accounts.

The adventures of Curtis Lee Jones seem to be completely over these days, but the memories live on. Below you can listen to Curtis’ soothing voice let us know how much of an interweb hacking God he really is…

• Impression Footprints This clip really captures the essence of Curtis. It’s completely nuts. He talks about knowing magic, throws crazy phone terms around, does an evil laugh and claims that we made him the biggest god on the internet.
• Elite Hacker Curtis is about the best, top elite hackers you’ll ever run across. Way.
• Speech-to-speech Service Call This is the call where Curtis completely loses it after a robot voice attempts to talk to him via an operator. (thanks for this one, geo)
• Every Fucking Number Curtis tells Tele that he already got Brad. “Every fucking number that comes in here, I get a copy of…”
• Dance With The Devil Curtis has got us all in the palm of his hand. He carries a gun 24/7. “I’m strictly 999 out of hell, motherfucker…”
• Big Phone Trap Curtis is walking Tele into the biggest phone trap he’s ever seen in his life. “I own your fucking soul when you dial this number…”
• FBI Call Curtis doesn’t like to be reminded of his grim past with his Uncle Frank. Roy just got a call from the FBI!
• Signing The Warrant Curtis is nice enough to warn Tele to dump all the incriminating stuff he’s got against Curtis because he just signed a warrant against him.
• Play The Game Curtis assumes that Tele is interested in playing a game with some very strict rules.
• Pay For Your Pizza Altalp convinces Curtis that she’s a Domino’s Pizza employee, calling to confirm an order. It’s a long call, but worth it to hear Curtis yell. You even get to hear the next generation of Curtis threaten to punch a woman in the eye.
• I’m His Wife This is the first call this Roy character made to us. I have to get my wife’s permission to talk on the phone so Roy didn’t get through to me this first time. I bet he felt like a retard here.
• Roy The Smartass This is the call where I determine that Roy is nothing but a smartass.
• Go To Your Libarry I’m sick of Roy’s calls by now, so I tell him to visit his local liberry to do his research. Roy knows what I mean.
• Telephonic Harassment I admit that when it comes to harassing phone calls I can dish it out but I sure can’t take it. Me and my wife Charlotte really lay it on Roy this time, telling him that harassing phone calls are illegal. Roy is probably shitting himself scared by now.
• Impress Me I was out buying some drugs when this call was made so my wife answered the phone. She dares Roy to come and visit us at home so we can beat his ass.
• Fucking Hog Roast He immediately calls back, of course, and my wife makes him feel like a complete moron by saying she wouldn’t invite him to a fucking hog roast if he was the fucking hog roastin’! There’s one thing you can say about my wife Charlotte, she’s one of the wittiest people I’ve ever known.
• Bathroom Walls Here’s another call taken by Charlotte. She tells him to go jack off in the bathroom. Haha, Charlotte is the queen of comebacks!
• Don’t Drop The Soap Queer Boy In this call I scare the shit out of Roy by telling him that the feds are already on their way to his house.
• What’s Your Favorite Color? Some chick calls me who I’m pretty sure is a gay friend of Roys. All she can ask is what my favorite color is. But I play it calm and cool as the detective sits next to me, tracing the call with his high-tech equipment and my central phone computer.
• Suck My Dick Roy calls me and I know it’s him so I just get down to business and tell him what I think. Then I catch him off guard with a witty remark about what I’d do to his girlfriend if he had one before I hang up.
• conf call #1 In this call I scare the pranksters by telling them I’m on my other phone line with their telemarketing boss. For good measure I call them queers and faggotty ass fuckers.
• conf call #2 I continue to make this guy look like a faggotty ass, as I play some of my favorite rap music into the phone.
• conf call #3 I have to keep them on the line so we can complete the phone trace. Just a few more minutes now and we’ll have these queer boys.
• conf call #4 This idiot tells me that he’s out in front of my house. I bet he wasn’t expecting me to tell him I saw 2 dogs fucking out there so one of the dogs must be him. Haha! They don’t laugh the first time so I tell them again just in case they didn’t hear me.
• conf call #5 They tell me they’re going to send pizzas to my house but I sure get the last laugh on this one!
• Operator Break-in #1 Roy pranks me again and while I’m talking to him a Verizon operator makes an emergency break into my line. But I know it’s not really an emergency so I fuck with the operator.
• Operator Break-in #2 Another operator breaks in so I tell her to suck my dick. She has the nerve to tell me I don’t have one big enough and hangs up on me.
• Operator Break-in #3 Here’s yet another break in call. I think J.C. must be doing it. This one is confusing because at times it sounds like there are 2 operators on the line with me and Roy and they’re both hard to hear so I tried to fix the quality with the central computer in my home.
• Operator Break-in #4 And here’s the very last break-in call of that night. I’m really starting to like this Roy guy so I gave him a pet name – Queer Roy.
• Pretty Lame Tele doesn’t believe that Curtis took down major-losers.com with his hacking skills, then reminds Curtis how made he got about the robot calling him. “You made a grave mistake…”
• What’s Roy Doing? I’m getting Tele scared, telling him how the investigation is going to be over in just one more week. His days of freedom are numbered. Just like all the other losers that have fucked with me.
• Recording Phone Calls I figure out that Tele is recording phone calls so I tell him what’s going to happen to him when the cops knock on his door. This dumbass doesn’t think I can trace his calls with all the sophisticated central computer equipment I’ve got hooked up in my house. Then he reads my answering machine code so I clue him in that the beeping he hears on the line is a part of the phone tracer hooked into my line. Bet he feels like a real idiot then!
• Teeth Curtis went to Portland and came back with peoples teeth. Curtis offers to give Tele some phone numbers to prove it.
• So Stupid Tele doesn’t seem to know any federal statutes on phone abuse.
• Lawsuit I filed a lawsuit on Tele today since I know exactly who he is and where he lives. He made a grave mistake. “Shit, punk, man, fuck…”
• Self Mutilation I tell Tele to look at my picture and he’ll see pure fucking evil. “I haven’t met one fucking person in real life that is willing to go toe-to-toe with my fucking lunatic ass…”
• Your Life’s About to End Curtis says that he’s nothing compared to his Uncle Frank
• Collect Call To Roy Curtis fights back with some harassing calls of his own – a collect call to RBCP’s house. RBCP accepts and Curtis hangs up on him. Zing! Remember those old insurance commercials from the early 2000’s where a guy calls his family and tricks the phone company into passing a message along for free? If so, you might find Curtis’ collect call “name” amusing. “Roy had a baby, it’s a boy…”
• Messages From Curtis Curtis tries to shake things up in the Carter household by leaving messages for RBCP’s wife. Curtis promises to never stop calling until something is done. This is the last call he ever made to RBCP’s house.
• Curtis in Yahoo Chatroom #1 Curtis is yelling at people in the Oregon Yahoo chat room. Does his patented “stomp a mudhole in your ass” threat. “Laugh now, little man…”
• Curtis in Yahoo Chatroom #2 Curtis continues to battle it out with the people in the Oregon1 chatroom.
• Curtis in Yahoo Chatroom #3 “I’m gonna snap your fucking candy-ass neck…”
• More Messages From Curtis Curtis leaves some threatening deep-throat messages, I assume for Heather and Heywood.
• Curtis Fools RBCP RBCP is just calling to make sure Curtis is getting along okay in life and Curtis pretends that he’s someone else. Curtis has clearly had acting lessons in the past to pull off such a sham so effortlessly.