“Quite frankly your life was in the shitter by the time you first went to Texas.
You can’t blame me for all your fuckups.” – Chris Tomkinson, 1995
My quest to become a member of the PLA – by Digital Dreamer
Prank Phone Call Transcripts – Mouthbreather
Free Groceries For All – The Cookiesnatcher
Letters
PLA is a publication of information, humor and satire. Nothing in any issue is to ever be taken seriously. We are not responsible for your stupidity
Ever since I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a member of PLA.
It was almost instant — the first time I saw that issue of PLA001, I
have been obsessed. I would read and reread each issue, straining my
eyes to read the text printed from the faded, aged printer ribbon my
friend, Phil had. I didn’t have a printer, you see. My TRS-80’s
daisywheel had long ago given out. But that didn’t deter me.
I realized, soon enough, that my only way to get in to PLA would be to
emulate RedBoxChilliPepper. Even though he wasn’t the leader, he was the
one who wrote all the articles, and so his exploits were the most
documented. When I heard that he brought his laptop with him in to work
to do stuff like write issues of PLA, I instantly realized how I could be
like him. I tossed my TRS-80 in the trunk, 10 8inch disks with my latest
warez (written in BASIC-80, I was so proud!), and went to my college
elevator. I knew the elevator had one of those emergency phones, and I
also knew it had a power plug for maintenance. I discreetly smuggled my
TRS-80 under my coat to get by the security guard. I hadn’t started
shaving yet (although I could hardly wait to tell Phil when I did!), so I
just told the guard I was a pregnant child prostitute and he let me past.
Once inside the elevator, I ripped the emergency telephone out of the
wall, and lo and behold, there was a wall jack. Quickly setting up my
TRS-80, I booted and went into the wardialer I had written. I told it to
start scanning an exchange. I felt like a real Phone Freak. About 3
seconds later, I had arrived at the floor I told the elevator to go to.
Quickly I pushed another button so the doors would close and the elevator
would keep going. Well, that’s until the people on the bottom floor
noticed something was amiss and told me to stop. But I didn’t care, I
had scanned an entire exchange, and the results were stored on a single 8
inch disk. I could hardly wait to get home and tell my mom!
I emailed RedBoxChilliPepper about this repeatedly, and not once did he
reply. I figured he wasn’t that impressed, since he had probably done it
himself before, so I decided to use his own tricks against him. I
quickly got the Phrack list of outdials that Erikb had published 3 years
ago, along with Phrack 47. Unfortunately, none of them worked, but after
whining on EFNet #phreak for about 3 hours (it took 2 just to get on the
IRC at 300 baud from my trusty TRS — the accoustic couplers kept falling
off), someone told me one. So I quickly telnetted to it from my friend’s
machine (I had hacked his password by watching him type it in at school)
and dialed up the relay service. I asked them to please dial directory
assistance for Illinois. I realize now that I could have just dialed up
tdd directory assistance for Illinois direct, but I was young and
foolish. Anyway, I told them that I didn’t actually have a name or
number or address. However, I did have a .GIF of him, so I drew it best
I could for the tdd relay operator using my ASCII art skills, and asked
her to describe it to the directory assistance operator. After I did
that, she said “sksk” and hung up. Ah-A! I had it, RBCP’s name was
“sksk”. Now I could scare him with my Phone Phreak (Phil told me that
was how it was spelled — I didn’t get it, they said never to spell stuff
like that in English class, but I didn’t want to make a scene by pointing
out Phil’s mistake) Skills. I was so proud.
I then emailed RBCP several more time, addressing him by name (Hi,
there, sksk. Yes, I know your name, my skills are *that* leet, fear me.)
(Phil helped me write that one) to scare him. I must have scared him so
much he couldn’t bear to reply, because he didn’t. I was so happy, I
danced around the house singing “I’m a Phone Phreak, nyah nyah” until my
mom made me stop.
I knew that only impressing RBCP wouldn’t be any good — I’d need to
impress that Zak hooligan, too. So I decided to make some prank
calls through my favorite Bell Relay Service Operator, 4312 (F). Talking
to her always gave me an erection. Here is a log of one.
OPERATOR: number pls ga ME: 1-800-LOAN-YES OPERATOR: ringing... 1... 2... (answered) (ca here ... explaining relay service) .. ok, hello.. ga ME: BIG PINK DONKEY DICKS! (please hang up, ca) OPERATOR: ok .. disconnected, ga or sk ME: hang up, fool. OPERATOR: ok, thanks for using at&t sksk ME: yeah, whatever. (session ends)
I was so proud, I sent Zak taped recordings of my prank calls. They
weren’t very interesting, just the sound of my typing for about 20
minutes, but I saw he liked doing that a lot, so I sent them anyway. He
never replied, he must have been real peachy keen impressed. I was soo
happy.
As I was browsing the PLA website in lynx one day, I saw that they had
an application form up! Excitedly, I took it home and got my mom and
dad to help me fill it out for me. I was a bit worried when there was
the section to enter in your credit card, since I had heard they were
Credit Card Phreaks, but I filled it in anyway.
I mailed it in, and while I was waiting for a response, my parents got
a big shock. Boy howdy, the bill on that credit card was $1,000e10! How
did that happen? I thought it might have been PLA, but I was too afraid
to tell my parents. They changed their credit card number with some
white out and an exacto knife, but still they kept getting billed.
Eventually, they just gave up and cancelled the credit card, but it
didn’t stop there. I kept getting 20-30 calls a DAY with people just
calling up, saying “Jim Rimmer” (that’s my name, they must have got it
the same was as me through the relay service, since I have my picture up
on my homepage). I began to get real frustrated, and got the telephone
company (Back-Asswards-Communications, Inc. One time when I was down
there looking at the new switches (they upgraded to SxS) as part of a
tour, they mentioned they were really called Oncor, but that they never
used that name except at formal occasions) to change my number. The phone
calls stopped for about 20 seconds, and then resumed. I was so
surprised, I wondered who could be doing it.
Well, the calls slowed down for a while, but then one morning I woke up
when the doorbell rang. I looked out my window and my street was
positively filled with all sorts of trucks, cars, vans and fire
department vehicles! I was so worried I wet myself. But once I changed
clothes, I told them all it was a mistake and to go away. Well, it was
hard to get that all out, because I had a bran muffin in my mouth
and all these reporters were asking me questions. But I eventually got
it out once I accidentally spat out my bran muffin on some guy standing
beside me.
Anyway, then my phone line changed somehow. It started asking me for
quarters! I thought this must be some change in billing procedures, but I
also realized this would be the perfect chance for me to try out my
Red Box! Wow, I called all my friends over and we sat around the phone.
I picked it up and hit the quarter button. Unfortunately, it didn’t
work! All my friends called me a loser and beat me up for my lunchmoney,
but I didn’t care. I was a Phone Phreak!
Sadly, I have been unable to continue persuing my membership
in PLA, because my TRS-80 accoustic modem can’t dial over the new kind of
phone line. My parents are afraid to go to the telco office and ask them
to change it, because the billing office is out in the middle of the
forest and is surrounded by bears, hunters and ugly people.
Anyway, I thought I’d share my experiences with you so you too can try
to get into PLA. Good luck!
No PLA issue can be complete without a few prank phone call transcripts. The
following three are done by Mouthbreather (847). The first transcript is from
a collect call made through OCI to an adjacent pay phone that just so happens
to accept collect calls (847-234-9674).
OP: Hello this is OCI, you have a collect call from Mike Hunt.
ME: What? I have a collect call from your cunt? Why the hell is your cunt
calling me?
OP: Mike Hunt
ME: There's a collect call coming from your cunt? That's disgusting! You
are a sick person
OP: I'm putting the call through anyway
------------
Him: Hello?
Me: Lactation Services incorporated?
Him: Yes.
Me: Hi, I would like to get a breast pump
Him: Sure, hold on one second
Me: Sure
Mary: Hello, this is Mary
Me: Hi, I'm interested in a breast pump
Mary: Hi!
Me: Hi, how are you?
Mary: How are you, who is this?
Me: This is Nathan, but you can call me Bobby.
Mary: But I can call you Bobby?
Me: Yeah, that's most my friends call me because when I was a kid...
Mary: uh huh
Me: ...there was this kid in my grade who used to look just like me...
Mary: uh huh
Me: ...and his name was Bobby
Mary: Huh!
Me: And so, like, he was a real trouble maker, and he would always get
beaten up by kids, or people would want to, but they would always
get me instead.
Mary: Oh my goodness.
Me: It was horrible.
Mary: Well it sounds like it. I assume this is for your...
Me: That's why I'm missing my left buttocks.
Mary: Is your wife there?
Me: Um, no she isn't. this is going to be a gift.
Mary: this is a gift to...
Me: To my wife.
Mary: ...to your wife. Okay so your looking for a purchase
Me: Yes.
Mary: Did you just have the baby? or...
Me: Yes, we just had the baby?
Mary: ...good. Where did you deliver it?
Me: Lake Forest Hospital.
Mary: Lake Forest? And where are you located?
Me: I'm in Lake Forest too.
Mary: Oh, so did you see the add in the yellow pages?
Me: Oh, yes I did.
Mary: Oh, great, that's good...
Me: It was great, i liked it.
Mary: Good. The purchase bress pump I have is called the Medilius
pump-in-style.
Me: Ooohh!
Mary: It's a bress pump that comes...
Me: How many designer colors?
Mary: It comes in blue.
Me: Oh excellent.
Mary: The bag is nav...
Me: Cause the baby is a boy.
Mary: Oh okay, well the bag is navy blue, and ummm...it gives the woman the
capability of pumping both breasts at the same time...
Me: WHOA!
Mary: Is she going back to work?
Me: Not any time soon. If she did could she wear it to work?
Mary: If she did she could bring it to work, yes.
Me: Isn't it kind of bulky though? Would people be like...
Mary: Is this a prank call or is this serious?
Me: No I'm sorry...
Mary: ok
Me: ...it's just that I'm a little insecure about breasts.
Mary: Oh, well she wouldn't wear it to work, she would use on and off. She's
bress feeding the baby?
Me: Yes. When I say titmouse I start laughing
Mary: Okay I take that this is a prank call.
Me: No, when I say titmous I start laughing
------------
PET: Pet Center may I help you?
DAN (ME): Um, yes, I lost my teddy bear, I think I dropped it in your rat
cage and I was wondering if they would, uh, try to rip it apart?
or something?
PET: They might
DAN: They might?
PET: Sure.
DAN: Could you rip it away from them? Cause I like my teddy bear.
PET: Take it away.
DAN: Don't give me any lip, bitch! I'm serious.
My favorite teddy, my favorite fucking teddy bear!
PET: Teddy bear what? A hamster?
DAN: A Teddy BEAR!!! Listen bitch, give me my teddy bear! Now.
PET: Wait, what it is a stuffed teddy bear?
DAN: Yeah, it's a teddy bear!
PET: A stuffed teddy bear.
DAN: YES!!!
DAN: Hello, this is Dan's father, I want my teddy bear. My
son was in their, and he had a teddy bear and he dropped it in the rat
cage.
PET: Here?
DAN: Yes he did, and now the rats are tearing it apart, and you won't do crap
about it! and I'm pissed off.
PET: This is the weirdest...I don't know what to tell you, you're going to...
DAN: What I'm going to do? I'm not in the store, you can do it.
PET: You dropped the teddy bear in a tank in the store here?
DAN: Yes, and know it's ripped apart and you won't do crap about it!
PET: Well... Well...
DAN: Well are you retarded? Can't you speak? And now I'm at home...
PET: You calm down.
DAN: And know I'm at home, and there's no teddy bear, cause it's in the tank.
Alright here’s the thing, me being of the adolecent I am, have to do
adolecent things, one of which is getting a shit job. For three long months I
worked at a fast food chain called “Hardee’s”. This is a place almost
identical to McDonald’s, anyway among the tasks performed there were common
fast food shit like taking orders, dealing with customers, etc, etc. One day
we ran out of strawberries (for milk shakes), and as it were, milk.
So me being the little work horse I am was sent to the nearest Grocery Store
to fetch these needed product’s. I was thinking that they would give me money
or a check or some way of paying for these but instead told me to tell the
grocery store to bill it to Hardee’s, I said ok and was on my way.
When I retrieved the items and went up to the check out register I simply told
her to charge it to Hardee’s. Do we see where this is going yet? They wrote
out a little form and had me sign at the bottom, not asking for ID, proof of
employment or any means of identifacion. So I was on my merry way to my
mundane job thinking “hmmmm, that was too easy”.
So I finished up my day’s work and the next day (which I had off) went back to
the store wearing my Hardee’s uniform and did the same thing, only this time I
took stuff that I wanted, like cigerettes, condoms (so i can have sex)…(ok
so I can be prepared to have sex)……..(alright alright i didnt get
condoms!!!) and things to that effect. I went up to the counter and did the
same thing only this time I signed my name as someone who doesnt exist.
It’s really that easy to get anything you want from a grocery store. Just make
sure its the closest Grocery Store to the fast food place you are charging it
to.
Imagine my surprise when I found out that PLA fans can actually compose entire
letters! I was so shocked I decided to clean out my capture directory and put
all the content here. If YOU’D like to tell me where to go, write your letters
to bueno@peak.org. Letters which have signatures longer than the body of the
letter will be heavily edited and printed to make the author look retarded.
Dear PLA:
As a disgruntled ex-Kroger Grocery Store Employee (heavy on the ex, light on
the disgruntled) I have a little knowledge of Kroger’s Paging system which I
am more than happy to share for the sake of PLA :)
At my store old store, (I’m not sure about every store but will check others
in a few dayz) the paging extension was 50. If you were a cashier, all you’d
have to do was pick up the phone, dial 50, then broadcast your message over
the entire store. The customer service extension was 255.
If you wanted to take over from the outside you would have to dial up customer
service (ex: 912-925-0095). Then have them switch you to another department.
You wouldn’t want to take over through customer service, they get suspicious.
Try getting transfered to a department like produce. Produce is usually
stocked with a bunch of teen age boys who don’t give a fuck what you do and
may just help you becuase they are bored as hell. Go figure!
You could also try departments who don’t use the phone a lot like Seafood,
Meat Dept, Deli, or Bakery. Now for an employee to transfer you, he must hit
FLASH (click the hook once), 51, then 50 for the paging extension. Now you
gots total control. Give it a try, if you’re bored one day and happen to have
an unused calling card code. Good Luck!
N-TREEG
————
Dear PLA:
umm, i read pla 39, and you were talking about all the security with them
needing zip codes…. bah … i did your fool-the-gas-station thing (beat
your record too, got 5 cards in once call from dave the night man) with a
speedway in our huge pop. 200 town here, and when id play around carding
calls through 800-COLLECT (face it, mci deserves more than at&t if only for
their “are you out there at&t” commercials.) and they need the zip code too,
if you get the cards from a small-town gas station then 90% of them will be
the zip code the gas station is in. call the town’s post office (or a town
resident if you want to confuse them, i guess) and get the zip code. umm,
have fun with the roam ops.
————
Dear PLA:
This is a 13 year old, and you have officially corrupted me. hoo hoo ha ha ha!!
If ya don’t mind, we’re gonna use your method of messing around with Fred
Meyers (they’re up in alaska, too), just cuz it’s so d@mn (I’m always one step
ahead of the censors…) funny! I love PLA, you guys are my idols.
thanx-
Quinton
————
Dear PLA:
hey me and a buddy visited #rock seeking out constant hassling and we found
nothing just some fukko name phelon made some comment about niggers and i
suddenly transformed into an angry black muslim. no one else ever said
anything. no witty comebacks. what’s up? i thought i was suppose to get shit
on if i go in there.
-humbly disgruntled
————
Dear RBCP:
I really love your web page, and everthing on it, it really is one of my
favorite, if not #1, but reading through your life story there was one thing I
didn’t understand, how in the Helsinki did you pass pennies in quarter rolls
as quarters?! The quarter roll has a wider diameter than the pennies and
unless you cut the paper and glued it… how would you do it… I’m interested
in knowing…for information purposes only, of course.
thanks & keep pla alive for ever,
blucloake
http://members.iglou.com/boiser5/bluecloak.htm
[Although it’s very risky, it’s also very easy. It goes something like this:
Take one roll of pennies, open it and remove four pennies from the roll,
scotch tape the roll shut very tightly, cut 2 1/2 strips of construction
paper the same width as your new penny roll and tape it around the roll.
Now you should have a cylinder that has the exact same width and diameter
of a roll of quarters. Wrap a quarter wrapper around it, tape the ends,
write a fake name and phone number on the side and you’re ready to go. A
safer, yet not as cost effective, alternative would be to remove SIX
pennies from the original roll, then after you’ve stuck the modified
pennies into the quarter roll, stick a quarter on each side, just in case
the cashier opens it. This saved me a few times. ]
————
Dear PLA:
Some pretty amusing pranks there for the 7-11 pinheads to ponder. Me, I won’t
even go into a 7-11 store. Haven’t ever since the puss-brains quit selling
cigarette papers. Nuts to 7-11. I’m kind’ve an aging fart, 45 going on 46, but
I still chuckle when I think of the whacky shit a buddy of mine and myself
used to do to unsuspecting store employees, customers and innocent bystanders
when we were teenagers. I’d better not email you details of the incidents,
even though it’s been at least 28 years since most of them occurred because I
don’t know who all can read this shit.
I will say, however, that if a prankster has a particular convenience store
for targeting and the store has sliding glass doors they leave open on hot
days (not many stores left like that I know) several well aimed jumbo sized
firework rockets through the open doors will make everyone inside hit the deck
pronto. I stick to more mundane things nowadays, like writing whacky crap for
the web. Check out my channel at http://clix.net/clix/dooleys if you’re
interested.
Later
Dinosaur Dooley
————
Dear PLA:
This is so cool! I’ve found stuff here that isn’t anywhere else on the Net!
The instructions are also more in-depth than the ones on other sites, so even
an idiot like me can figure it out. By the way, I called Netcom for a free
disk and they said their disks were only available with payment for the first
month.
Brian
Chambersurg, PA
————
Dear PLA:
Hey RBCP, awhile back my comp was on the fritz and I only had a few text files
for inspiration. One was by you about the cordless phone fun you had with a
neighbor in Illinois. That kept my spirits up till I got back online.
Thanx!
iamone
————
Dear PLA:
You guys kick ass!! After reading the revenge issue I canceled all of my
principal’s credit cards & various other things but I also tormented Walmart
so much over the intercom system (extension 13) that they changed it to auto
dial exstensions so that I couldn’t get on them anymore.
-Atomic Punk
————
Dear PLA:
I’ve found a new way to block 800 ANI. It is called Net2Phone and allows
people to place calls using a piece software which connects to IDT’s (the
company offering Net2Phone) servers and routes the call from their fones in
New Jersey to wherever you want to call.
Here is how they describe it, “Net2Phone enables Internet users with sound
equipped PCs to initiate calls from their computers and transmit them over the
Internet to IDT’s phone switches. The switches then convert the signal from
the ‘packet switch network’ Internet environment to the ‘circuit switch
network’ telephone environment. And then to its’ final destination – any
ordinary telephone. The result is real-time uninterrupted voice communication
between the two calling parties.”
This service is offered for free on 800 and 888 numbers. If you want to call
regular numbers it cost’s extra. Unfortunately, after you call the number, you
cannot send tones and it is too staticky to use a tone dialer. Grab a copy at
http://www.net2phone.com.
Keystroke – prenzo@soho.ios.com
————
Dear PLA:
Have you read the latest/last issue of Phrack? Well I have and discovered that
Erik B will no longer be publishing Phrack does that mean he won’t publish PLA
either? Please say it ain’t so!
[It’s true that erikb won’t be writing PLA anymore but fortunately an even
better editor has decided to take the reigns. Your new editors are
Emmanuel Goldstien and Chris Tomkinson. I might still write an occasional
article, though. For those who read 2600, don’t worry – PBX Phreak will
be taking over as head editor there. Thanks for your concern.]
————
Dear PLA:
You’re pretty damn funny. I’m gonna drive out there this summer just to
harass you.
Lupus Yonderboy
Henderson, KY
———-
Hey RBCP,
Still got those annoying neighbors? Here’s my personally guaranteed method of
Cactusing them. Next time they piss you off, wait for the newspaper courier
to throw their paper into their yard. Right after the courier leaves, sneak
over and steal your neighbors newspaper. Replace it with a neatly rolled and
rubber banded newspaper from last week. Do this for about a week. They’ll
get pissed becuase they will be paying for a paper they didn’t get. You’ll
get a free paper out of the deal and can get rid of wasted paper. (Great
Recycling program). Even an added bonus if the newspaper guy has been a real
pain in the ass lately, he’ll probably get chewed out by his boss!
After stealing their paper for a week, try canceling their paper service. Or
if they come home from work late, steal their paper and cut out all the really
interesting articles, then roll it back up and leave in their front yard.
You’ll be surprised how many people are newspaper dependent!
Peace OOoouutttTTT….
N-TREEG
————
Dear PLA:
I don’t know if you are in to getting soda out of machines or not, but I’ll
send my idea anyway. I’ve found that, with a friend to hold up the trap door
where soda comes out, you can stick your arm inside a pepsi machine and pull
soda out. This is for 20oz. bottle dispensers. On can machines, you need more
time and a secluded place. You probably will need to break the plastic cover
just above the slot where soda comes out. Once this is off, you will see a
bar held in place by a pin. This bar stops the door from coming up too far.
Just use some pliers and pull the pin off, Then slide the bar out and you can
stick your arm inside and get free soda. Schools with machines in the locker
room are the best place to do this. You can also use a broomstick to
accomplish the same thing if you can’t get your arm inside the machine.
————
Dear PLA:
Hi. I’m the co-founder of the PLA Bay Area Division (I like to call it
PLA-BAD) here in California. I went to Radio Shack one day about a week ago
to buy a tone dialer (gee, I wonder why?). They were out of tone dialers, but
the idiot employee who was working at the time (his name was David) told me I
could pay for it now and come back in a couple days to get it when they got
their new shipment in. He told me he would remember me. I gave him my money,
he gave me a receipt, and I went home.
Two days later, I went back to pick up my tone dialer. David wasn’t working,
so I showed my receipt to some other employee and he gave me a tone dialer. I
left. A few minutes later, I realized that I forgot to buy batteries. I went
back, and guess what–David was working!
He looked at me, said “Oh, I remember you!” and gave me another tone dialer.
The guy who gave me the first one was nowhere in sight. So I got two tone
dialers for the price of one. Oh, and the phone number for the Radio Shack
where this happened is 408-746-0809. The store is located in Sunnyvale, CA.
DarkCactus (darkcactus@hotmail.com)
————
Dear PLA:
As of June the US Postal Service (sadly) is now sending out confirmation on
address changes and forwards. Thought you might like to know (if you don’t
already) cuz that affects your revenge document.
————
Dear PLA:
Hey, me and Hormone were messing around and we found this new way to make free
long distance, and thought you might want to include it in in a future issue.
We called up the Bon (department store), and we got transfered to the Tiger
Shop (they sell clothes there or something), we talked to some sales Rep named
Tracy and i pretended to be from security, and said that we were doing a
routine check to see if the employee’s knew the info they were supposed to. We
got her name and her employee number.. Then we called back, talked to the Bon
opeartor, and Hormone said he was Tracy from extension 6170 (The tiger shop)
and that he needed an outside line. She asked for his employee number, and
then the number we wanted to dial. .. he gave him Disneyland security, and
the call went through… They must deduct whatever the charges are from that
person’s pay roll or something.. Hormone also hasn’t hit puberty yet, so he
can pose as a girl pretty good :) ..Otherwise you would have to search around
until you found a guy working there.
pISer
[Wow, Hormone is going to be thrilled to have that announced to the whole
world. Thanks for the ideas!]
————
And yet another issue of PLA comes to an end. The next issue shouldn’t be
quite so delayed as the last one but you never know. PLA’s Main Headquarters
(i.e. Me) will be relocating somewhere east of California & west of Georgia
by the next issue so be on the lookout for the new address if you’re planning
on sending a pipebomb to me or anything. Until then, check out the following
really neat-o electronic ‘zines:
FLaK…………………………………..http://www.peak.org/~bueno/flak/
Prohibited Data Processing………….http://www.peak.org/~bueno/prohibited/
Feel free to post your own comments about this PLA issue in our forums. If you’d prefer to make a general comment about phonelosers.org, try signing our guestbook instead.