PLA Issue #30

Well, PLA030 is finally out. After getting a few ka-zillion pieces of mail and
a few phone calls asking “So when’s the next PLA coming out?” I know why ErikB
is always complaining about that. It’s not annoying exactly, just kind of
repetitive.

Third party billing was disabled on my phone line a couple months ago for some
reason, meaning I can no longer make calls anywhere in the United States and
third party bill it to someone else, not that I would actually ever try a
stunt like that. That’s ripping off MaHell and that’s wrong. But this month I
got my phone bill and it was well over $300 in back charges because of third
party charges originating from my home. Well, I called the phone company and
they seem to think I’m the victim here and were more than happy to remove the
charges from my bill, god bless them. So, when trying out the activities outlined in PLA005, remember, I got backbilled. (Even though they removed all of
the charges…)

I also heard another story from Mike in Portland, Oregon about some idiot that
billed to the same number over and over and over and of course AT&T didn’t
like this and billed him for the calls. Worse yet, he was billing to a nonworking number in Canada, something like 514-xxx-1234. Not too bright. Anyway,
I have a good excuse for being so “late” in releasing this PLA that’s about
nothing in particular. I had a problem when, while walking down the street, a
teenage motorist and his friends passed by in their Camero and all screamed,
scaring the shit out of me and making part of my Big Gulp shoot up out of my
nose.

Luckily, in all the confusion I was able to see their license plate number and
write it down. I walked over to the pay phone and called the local police
department, got transferred around and finally talked to a lady who was nice
enough to give me the name and address registered with the car.

“Corpus Christi Police Department…”
“Hi, this is Bill with the Quickee Mart over on Charlton Street. I called
yesterday about a gas drive off here for a total of $83.71 and I was promised
the name and address on this license plate but I haven’t heard anything yet.
The damn sumbitch filled up his boat, camper, truck and three wheeler and
took off. Now can you check this plate number for me?”

After a little more pursuading she finally gave me the information I needed.
With temperatures rising into the 100’s that day, I drug myself over to a
nearby hospital to use their inside pay phones. While the lady left the front
desk for a few minutes, I grabbed her chair so I could sit down to use my
phone. Looking at my watch, I saw that I needed to be at my job in ten minutes
but fuck it, I was on a roll.

The address I was given by the CCPD was in Manistique, Michigan. I made a few
calls to 906 information and LACs and the Manistique billing office to find out
that the owner of the nice Camero was actually this little rich brat’s daddy
and that his son, Dale, was just down here on Spring Break. Finding his
alternative number on their phone account was the dad’s work number, I gave
him a call at Century 21 where he worked.

“Century 21, this is Linda.”
“Yeah, could I speak with Mr. Tullar?”
“Just a minute, sir…”

A few minutes of waiting and he was on the phone.

“This is Mr. Tullar, what can I do for you?”
“Mr, Tullar, this is Edward Garcia from the Corpus Christi police department,
and it seems we have a problem with your son here. Him and a few of his friends
were picked up this morning for a few misconduct charges and in order for him
to be released you’ll need to come down here and sign for him.”
“What do you mean I have to come down there,” he moans, “he’s eighteen years
old, can’t he be let out himself? What’s he in there for?”
“Well, sir, an officer picked him up in downtown for running amok with a
stick. Seems he was going a little crazy and hitting old ladies on the head
and screaming something about canoe heads. He was given a sobriety test along
with his friends and they were all intoxicated with grape kool-aid. This being
a Friday, there’s no way he’ll get out until at least Monday evening and even
then, we won’t be able to release the Camero as it’s registered under your
name.”
“This is all kind of shocking to me…uhh…what do I need to do here? I can
…that little son of a bitch…”, he starts muttering to himself.
“Sir, you don’t need to use that kind of language around my phone. Now first
of all I’m going to need a little information from you to help clear all this
up. He’s facing charges on public intoxication, misconduct, running amok with
a stick in the third degree, burglary and terrorism charges. I need to-“
“What do you mean, terrorism?,” he screams, “and where did the burglary
charge come from?”
“Well, as I was saying before you inturrupted, I don’t know how you people
do things up there in Michigan but down here in Texas you can’t just walk into
the Nations bank with pantyhose on your head and demand money. It also turns
out that the FBI is seeking him as the John Doe #2 involved in the Oklahoma
City bombing. A secretary here recognized him right away and the feds are on
their way to interrogate him right now. First off, I need to know exactly
where they were staying so the search warrant can be served. You son is being
very uncooperative since we found the cocaine in the trunk.”
“He was staying at the Holiday Inn at Emerald Beach.”
“Okay, very good. And could I have your social security number?”
“Yes, it’s 600-00-7913”
“Alright, and for my report here I need your AT&T or local Bell calling card
number.”
“Oh. Let me see here…Okay, it’s 906-341-xxxx-xxxx. What’s this for again?”
“Don’t worry about it. Now if you’ll-

I looked up and noticed an angry nurse looking at me, demanding her chair back.
“It’s okay, ma’am. I’m with the PLA,” I said and held up a Phone Losers Of
America business card for her to see and she walks back to her desk, confused.

“When was your son planning on returning home?”
“Tomorrow morning. He was planning on leaving first thing in the morning.”

At this point I hung up. This man was getting pretty boring and I had other
things to deal with. Like Holiday Inn. The lady at the front desk was very
concerned after I indentified myself as “Bill from Visa” and explained that the
young man staying in room #236 was using a stolen credit card. Unfortunately,
I had just missed them. They had checked out a mere two hours ago. And I was
going to go break into the room. Well, maybe this is better because now the
dad won’t be able to contact them and he’ll fly or drive down to get him out
of jail.

I went up to the counter and told the nurse there to go grab me a Pepsi from
the break room and threw her a dollar. “Get one for yourself, too, babe.” When
she left, I grabbed her car keys off the counter, put her chair back for her
(hey, I was feeling nice) and headed for the parking lot. Her car wasn’t hard
to find, being the only Toyota in the lot. I hopped in and took off.

Half a tank of gas, stick shift, working cassette player and tucked up in
the sun visor was a Diamond Shamrock gas card. A nice plus, but wouldn’t do me
a whole lot of good once I got into Kansas. At least she had semi-good taste
in music. I put in a Ramones tape and began to drive…

Driving all over town, I couldn’t find them. I circled around the hotel
parking lot a few times but no sign of them. I went to Diamond Shamrock, filled
up on gas, chips, soda, magazines, candy, maps, cigarettes and a road atlas.
Going back to the car I remembered that I quit smoking a few years ago but
what the hell, it’s all free. I gave one pack to a bum asking for money. I
contemplated stopping by my house but decided against it. Nothing I really
needed there, besides, I had my backpack which included my cell fone, red box,
electronic organizer, spiral notebook, half a bag of Cheetos and ummm…let’s
see…My work uniform shirt. I threw this out the window as I drove towards
Interstate 37.

My concern wasn’t really finding them along the way. That would be very
unlikely to begin with. Actually, I’m not too sure what my main concern was.
I guess fighting off the boredom and not really wanting to go to work that
night. So I drove north, towards Oklahoma City, where I needed to stop and
make a few phone calls. The drive was a little longer than I anticipated and
thirteen hours later I arrived at a rest stop in Minco, a town outside of
Oklahoma City. I put the seat back and closed my eyes for a good five hours
of sleep. I didn’t even see the red Camero pull in next to me.

The next morning I awoke to some little kids running around outside and
yelling a little too loud for 7:30 a.m. I staggered over to the pay phone and
called Dale’s house. As I hoped for, nobody was home. It took me about seven
tries but I finally got into their answering machine messages. A few real
estate messages and then one from Dale.

“Hi, Dad! It’s me..Uhh…it’s 6:13 a.m. and we’re in Tulsa, eating breakfast.
Just wanted to call and let you know that things are going okay. Haven’t been
arrested or anything, ha ha! Did you hear anything more from the police? Well,
we should be there in a couple of days. Love you. Oh yeah, something’s wrong
with your credit card. For some reason it was canceled and the clerk at the
Exxon station cut it in half so we’re using cash ’til we get there.”

I was starting to get a little pissed that they were so far ahead of me but
that was cut short when the next message started playing, “Yes, I’m calling
for a Mr. Frank Tullar. This is Lt. Davis from the Corpus Christi police
department and I’m returning the call regarding your son. We’ve never had a
Dale Tullar in custody and there’s not even an officer Edward Garcia working
in this city. I don’t know if this is a prank or what, but I think you called
the wrong city or something…”

I ran in the bathroom to brush my teeth, shave and then headed north again,
hoping to catch up to them. One thing that damn nurse didn’t have was a radar
detector. I stopped in Oklahoma City to check out the infamous federal
building wreckage, took a few pictures and got on Interstate 44, going
towards Tulsa. On the long drive I began to think. That’s when I realized
that I forgot to tell Colleen Card I wouldn’t be home last night. Whoops. I
got on the cell fone and did some major explaining to her. Got hung up on a
few times and finally convinced her to pick up some airline tickets and fly up
to Wichita, Kansas to meet me. I set up the airline tickets through a local
travel agency in Corpus. Too bad Mr. Tullar’s card had been mysteriously
canceled or I could have used that to fly her up there. Instead I used a card
belonging to some girl named Lisa, the girl who worked at the travel agency.
That would be a tough one for her to explain.

About five hours later I was in the airport parking lot, waiting for Colleen
to show up. In all, I only lost an hour on them AND I was brought a change of
clothes and my lucky tooth brush.

“Nice car, where’d it come from?”
“Spohn Hospital. Come on, we got to catch up with ’em.”

We made a pit stop in Lawrence, Kansas so I could plug into a certain sysop’s
telco box and leave the phone off the hook on some 900 numbers. Then we
continued into Missouri and through Illinois, stopping only once in a small
town in Illinois called Altamont to have some breakfast at Gilbert’s Restaurant
and to discover that most of the town’s population had no teeth. Most of the
ride was uneventful, boring stretches of Interstate look the same in just about
any state you go through. It reminded me of why I always take the backroads
and normal highways when traveling.

We tried to get into the Tullar’s answering machine after we got lost and
ended up in Logansport, Indiana, but Mr. Tullar kept picking up the phone.

Finally, I asked him, “Where’s your son right now?”
“Well, he’s on vacation and should be home tomorrow.”
“No, I mean, what state is he in right now?”
“Oh! Well, he called a few hours ago from Effingham, Illinois. Who’s this?”
“I’m just the guy who’s stalking him. Don’t worry about me, ” I replied and
hung up. I looked on the map and found he was pretty far away so we hung
around Logansport for a few hours, checked out the museums, their “beach”,
and attended the Iron Horse Festival. Of all the places to visit we get one
that has a yearly railroad festival. That being done, we continued towards
Michigan, hoping to see Dale on the road somewhere.

Finally we made our way out of the backwoods and into Michigan, a state I had
yet to visit. Unfortunately, a state trooper outside the city limits of
Coldwater, Michigan noticed that Colleen was driving about 30 miles over the
speed limit and started chasing us. It was a pretty intense car chase around
the city and finally ended with us and the police car crashing into the front
doors of the Tibbits Opera House and into the lobby. Air bags, you gotta love
’em!

I assume the officer had been rendered unconscience becuase we weren’t chased
when we ran from the building. We ran across the field, through some back yards
and ended up in the middle of a huge crowd of people. We later found out this
was the Bronson Polish Fevtival or something like that. We stopped at a
concession to buy a few overpriced Cokes and to consider our options. A block
away a man parked his car next to a store and went inside with several large
boxes. I picked up my backpack and we ran to the car, got in and drove off.
Small towns, you gotta love ’em!

Aside from an almost empty tank of gas, we were doing not so bad. Feeling
paranoid, we waited until we got into Tekonsha to get some gas and continued
to drive up Interstate 69 towards Lansing. The rest of the drive north was
more or less boring. The new car was a little battered, yet fast enough. There
was a nice radio but no cassette player meaning we had to try and toon in the
crappy hick stations along the way. The best one was some little independant
station around Ithaca where an old woman was selling her pot holders on the
radio. “Three pot holders for the price of one?? Am I crazy??” She was quite
hilarious and I may write the radio station for a copy of that commercial to
include in a PLA .WAV someday.

We finally reached Mackinaw City, Michigan’s lower peninsula and the end of
our Interstate driving. It took about ten minutes to make it across the
Mackinac Bridge, probably the longest bridge I ever went across. We arrived in
St. Ignace and started driving west on Highway 2, only a few hours from
Manistique, home of the guy who made me lose my Big Gulp. I wondered if he was
there yet.

Brevort, Engadine, Blaney Park and finally Mantistique. We had made a stop
at a Wal-Mart in Engadine so I could pick up some school supplies and made a
few fake I.D.’s on the way there, one in Dale’s name and one in his dad’s name.

Manistique seemed to be mostly an upper-class type of town located on the
edge of Lake Michigan with Indian Lake on the other side and some kind of a
really odd bridge somewhere in the middle. Dale’s house wasn’t hard to find
and his Camero was in the driveway.

Wait a minute, this is the introduction, isn’t it? Why the hell am I rambling
on about my personal problems? Here’s PLA Issue #30. Not a whole lot in it,
but enjoy it before the feds come over a confiscate it along with your computer.
Ah, I’ve got just a few more things to say…After all these months we finally
decided to call back Dino Allsman just to say “hi” and he didn’t really
appriciate the call. Zak tried to tell him that we were sorry and he just
cussed a lot in our general direction. I think the 2 minute string of swearing
from him would have made an excellent recording but stupidly, I wasn’t taping
any of it. (See PLA014 for the scoop on Dino.)

I also hope it’s alright with Dark Tangent if I advertise a partyline he set
up for phreaks. The number is 801-855-3326. For those few of you that call
Hotel California, you’ll notice that this one is similar but it’s more phreak
related. Enjoy!

This is a good one that Colleen Card pulled up on the library computer. It’s
a local news broadcast transcript on 10/23/94 about a little town in Utah that’s
never had fones installed until a few months ago. So here it is…

DANIEL ZWERDLING, Host: We are now calling a number in Cainesville, Utah, and
Weekend All Things Considered feels very, very honored to – four, five, six –
we feel honored to be able to make history in this way. This town has never had
telephones before, ever, and they got 17 of them installed just three weeks
ago. [sound of phone ringing] So far, so good.

FORREST SIMS, Cainesville Resident: Hello?

ZWERDLING: Forrest Sims?

MR. SIMS: Yes?

ZWERDLING: Hi. I was just about to tell our listeners that this is one of the
first phone calls that you guys have had in this town.

MR. SIMS: That’s pretty close, yes.

ZWERDLING: Why did it take so long for you to get telephones? I mean, this town
has never, ever had phones, right?

MR. SIMS: Well, they did many, many years ago, but it was just a single, little
old hand crank, and then, when most of the people left, they just kind of
rolled up the wire behind them as they left.

ZWERDLING: Now, Forrest Sims, you own an RV camper park, right, called
Sleepy Hollow?

MR. SIMS: Yes. It’s a little RV campground.

ZWERDLING: And, what I’m wondering is, for all these years that you’ve lived
in this town, how did not having telephones make life better or worse for you?

MR. SIMS: Well, we think it hurt the business a little bit. We would just kind
of get together if we needed to make a bunch of phone calls. We would just wait
’til we got a fairly decent list going and then just drive into town and make
the phone calls.

ZWERDLING: So how far did you have to drive to make a phone call?

MR. SIMS: It would be 22 miles one way.

ZWERDLING: And, Forrest Sims, I should mention before we go on, we have
another one of the 35 residents of Cainesville on the line with us now.
Ethel Jackson, are you there?

ETHEL JACKSON, Cainsville Resident: Yes, I am.

ZWERDLING: Hi. Well, congratulations.

MS. JACKSON: Thank you.

ZWERDLING: I’m wondering, Ethel Jackson, and also Forrest Sims. I’m trying to
picture living in a town where I can’t call any of the neighbors by telephone.
So that means if I want to talk to somebody, I have to either walk or drive to
their house, right?

MS. JACKSON: Right.

MR. SIMS: Well, as far as I’m concerned, the way it’s been for us, you know,
that’s kind of nice, because then you get to see your neighbor once in a while
and sit and visit.

MS. JACKSON: That’s what I think. Now we don’t get to see them.

MR. SIMS: What was that Ethel? Go ahead.

MS. JACKSON: Now we don’t get to see our neighbors.

MR. SIMS: That’s about it. You know, you know of- in a way, you stop going down
and visiting, and so, that way, maybe it’s hurt a little bit. Yeah.

ZWERDLING: Now, I would also guess that sometimes people would- you know, you’d
show up unannounced, obviously, because you couldn’t announce it with a phone
call, and would people say, “Hey, why don’t you stop, you know, come on in and
have lunch or dinner?”

MS. JACKSON: That’s what it is. That’s what it’s all about.

MR. SIMS: Yeah. That’s the way it always happens.

ZWERDLING: But I take it people are going to have lunch and dinner with each
other less often?

MS. JACKSON: Well-

MR. SIMS: I don’t think so. Do you, Ethel?

MS. JACKSON: No, I don’t. Maybe it might be just your local people around here
but we still have people that drop in and-

ZWERDLING: Hmmmm. Well, Ethel Jackson, how many phone calls have you received
today?

MS. JACKSON: Today?

ZWERDLING: Mmm-hmm.

MS. JACKSON: Oh, I’ve received one from Forrest and three from the lady that
contacted me, and then-

ZWERDLING: Wait. This is all calls concerning this interview? Those don’t
count. Forget those four phone calls. [Didn’t she say three??]

MS. JACKSON: Oh. Well, I have my little grandchildren that call every day to
see how we are.

ZWERDLING: Oh, that’s nice. And, Forrest Sims, what about you? Are you
spending a lot of time on the phone now?

MR. SIMS: Yeah, more so that if I had no phone, of course, naturally. But, so
far, most of it has been, you know, just to conduct business, and of course,
talk to the family, which is out of state or, you know, up in Salt Lake.

ZWERDLING: All riht. Well, listen, Forrest Sims, Ethel Jackson, thanks very
much for speaking with us today. I understand that this is the first- the very
first conference call you’ve ever had in your town?

MR. SIMS: Yes. That’s for sure. I can say that.

ZWERDLING: Well, thanks for letting us be part of it.

MR. SIMS: Oh, you’re quite welcome.

ZWERDLING: And, Ethel Jackson, if you don’t get any- if you don’t get more
than one call a day, you can always call us here at NPR.

MR. JACKSON: Oh, or you can call me. [laughter]

ZWERDLING: All right. I’ll do that.

MS. JACKSON: Okay. Thank you. Bye.

ZWERDLING: Bye-Bye.

MR. SIMS: Bye-bye, now.

And that’s it. After I read the transcript a few times I went crazy with the
801 Utah information trying to locate Mr. Sims and Ms. Jackson so I could
bother them with silly questions and maybe order them a few calling cards but
information couldn’t find anything listed. No police station, no chamber of
commerce, no fire department, nothing. The information operator was even a
little weirded out about this and I told her they just got phones installed
in their town a few months ago and she said, “I doubt that.”

If anyone can get some information on this town, I’d really appriciate it.
There’s no way for me to even order tourist information because there’s no
Chamber of Commerce to call. So if anyone gets any info on the town, please
U.S. mail it to me and you’ll receive a free subscription to the PLA mag! You
can’t beat that, can you?

Are you tired of these assholes ripping you off? Are you tired of buying
electronics for 25 times what it takes Intel, Radio Shack, GE, etc, to make
their products? That’s where you come in! There is a simple way to get
electronics for phree these days and it’s called bullshiting.

Bullshiting can be a lot of phun. In order for it to work you have to be and
outgoing social person whose not afraid to tell people what the hell you think
about them. Bullshiting is very simple. There are many ways to accomplish
bullshiting. The first is to phind a local electronics store that has very
poor security. I mean they have absolute shit for security. Stores who keep
their merchandise behind the counter (e.g. Circuit City & Best Products) are
the absolute worst places to hit. Pick easy going stores like Radio Shack,
Computer City, and Best Buy.

Their are two ways of bullshiting that I personally know of. The first way is
going into the selected store, pick up whatever the product is that you need,
rip the plastic off, walk to the return desk and bullshit them. What I mean by
“bullshit” is I want you to give them your very best lie. I want you to have
this lie memorized back and forth OK? What you are going to tell them is that
you bought this product a couple of weeks ago and that it doesn’t work now.
You just want your money back or an exchange. You lost the receipt and don’t
know what to do.

Possible outcomes:

1. They exchange the product for a new one
2. They give you a CASH refund.
3. They tell you to get the hell out of their store (in this
case run out with the merchandise!!)
4. They arrest you? In this case you are going to need to
bullshit a lot to get out of this one!

The second way of bullshiting is a little less risky. This idea was taken
from P.L.A. text file #12. The only difference is that you won’t be returning
only modems, you will be returning anything you want. In esence, what you do
is you buy a product, lets say a 128bit video card with 4 megs of onboard
video ram.

Lets also say you bought this video card for $300. What you are fixing to do
is, take your old 256k MCGA video card, put it in the 128bit video card box
and return it to the store in which you bought it from. Not only are you
getting you money back, but you are getting a PHREE video card worth $300.
Possible outcomes:

1. They ask you, “Hey what are you trying to pull here?”
Your resonse, “What do you mean?”
“Well sir, it looks to me like you are trying to cheat us out
here!” “What, what the fuck, hey listen bitch! I am just trying
to get my motherfucking money back. Your goddamned video card
isn’t worth shit. The guy who bought it before me must have done
it.” “Uhhh ok sir here’s your money, sorry this happened.”

2. “Here you go sir, just fill these papers out and I’ll
give you a refund.”

3. “Well sorry sir, We can exchange it for you, or give you
in-store credit.” (In this case you can get even more shit and
return it later!)

I personally have done the first and second one many times. Hell, half of my
computer I got for PHREE!! :) This includes a Super VGA card, a 14.4k Baud
modem (I didn’t like it so I sold it for $50 and phree exchanged a USR 28.8k
modem), a mouse and a shitload of software. See bullshiting can be fun and
profitable, ya just have to get good at it and keep a straight face.

P.L.A.n Carefully!!!

Roy’s Place, one of the two main PLA support boards has an adult GIF section
that was looking rather bare so me & Zak (Big Roy) decided to spice up the
GIF descriptions there a bit. So over the next few months we added descriptions
to the adult GIFs and people are taking them seriously too, thinking
that our bogus descriptions are for real. So here’s a listing of the current
adult GIFs on Roy’s Place (618-797-2339) as of 5/11/95. Hopefully these will
be somewhat entertaining to you… (By the way, I edited out the blank ones so
the numbers on the left are a little screwy.)

Real Cool Disgusting Pics – #2, 248 files.
——————————————
1¦!LEZ-1 .GIF¦ 161k¦A picture of Dappy from the Clip Joint.
2¦!LEZ-2 .GIF¦ 83k¦Dappy banging her dog, Cumhead.
5¦#10BOOBS.GIF¦ 173k¦A Plumpers lady with 10 boobs coming out her ass.
6¦150ZZZ#4.GIF¦ 141k¦Deter eating poo poo
7¦16INCH-6.GIF¦ 188k¦Picture of Alex Carbon
8¦17TEEN .GIF¦ 87k¦Hurry up and go away
9¦1CORN .GIF¦ 146k¦A woman playing with her food.
10¦2-MUCH .GIF¦ 117k¦Ameritech Corporate Security Group Photo
11¦3DEB020 .GIF¦ 45k¦I’ll bring my bookbag and some orange juice!
12¦4-PLAY-G.GIF¦ 127k¦Roy & his gerbil having foreplay
13¦4FINGERS.GIF¦ 40k¦A girl with four fingers up her nose
14¦4FIST2 .GIF¦ 107k¦four fists up her nose
15¦55DD .GIF¦ 131k¦A Troy, IL police officer wacking off in his car.
16¦ADRIENE .GIF¦ 120k¦My ex-girlfriend, Adriene
17¦AFTER .GIF¦ 53k¦Roy after he molested 28 gerbils
18¦ALYSSA .GIF¦ 106k¦Jim Bayless laying spread eagle by the Ameritech building
19¦AMY05 .GIF¦ 192k¦Some girl in the street that we mollested.
14¦ANNIE3 .GIF¦ 45k¦Jerry Falwell getting some.
16¦ARIEL01_.GIF¦ 196k¦Jaysen Phillips shiting on his car
17¦ARIEL02_.GIF¦ 100k¦Deter
18¦ARIEL03_.GIF¦ 114k¦I’m alex carbon and i ain’t got any calling card
19¦ARIEL04_.GIF¦ 100k¦human feces and urine
20¦ARIEL05_.GIF¦ 140k¦t.p. for my bungholeo
1¦ARIEL06_.GIF¦ 131k¦a gallon of milk
2¦ARIEL07_.GIF¦ 127k¦An exploding toilet.
3¦ARIEL08_.GIF¦ 135k¦my job application for quiktrip
4¦ARIEL_B .GIF¦ 91k¦Deter
6¦ASIA_P00.GIF¦ 133k¦God molested my children.
9¦AUSTIN .GIF¦ 139k¦The Bell orgy at HoHoCon in Austin, Texas
11¦B-BUSTY2.GIF¦ 130k¦Deter
12¦BAMY-009.GIF¦ 73k¦A chick sucking on her own big toes
14¦BARBIE .GIF¦ 195k¦My little 3-year old sister, Barbie.
15¦BASINGER.GIF¦ 87k¦Kim Basinger eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich
16¦BATH .GIF¦ 33k¦Robert E Allen (pres. of AT&T) taking a bubble bath.
17¦BATTERUP.GIF¦ 32k¦Ryan Grant hitting his 7-eleven manager with a bat.
18¦BELL .GIF¦ 116k¦Various Bell employees naked & playing with themselves
19¦BELLE .GIF¦ 58k¦Deter
20¦BELLE01 .GIF¦ 121k¦a mustard cutting factory
1¦BELLE02 .GIF¦ 137k¦shit
2¦BELLE03 .GIF¦ 130k¦The PLA terrorizing a lineman
3¦BELLE04 .GIF¦ 157k¦the PLA being frightening
4¦BELLE05 .GIF¦ 126k¦The PLA taking over the 618 area code
5¦BELLE06 .GIF¦ 147k¦The PLA looting a Best Buy
6¦BELLE_A .GIF¦ 87k¦Brent Deterding
7¦BEV .GIF¦ 125k¦The DOC from STNG!
8¦BIGMAM10.GIF¦ 147k¦Jim Bakker screwing Tammy’s pet gerbil.
9¦BIGNIPS .GIF¦ 102k¦Danny Colwell showing off his big nipples
10¦BLAIR1 .GIF¦ 151k¦Picture of Francis G. Blair elementary school
11¦BLAIRTIT.GIF¦ 71k¦AT&T family picnic being bombed by the PLA
12¦BLONDE29.GIF¦ 30k¦Deter in drag
13¦BREETWNS.GIF¦ 131k¦The Jerky Boys having sex together.
14¦BRIANNA4.GIF¦ 287k¦Bundy girl
15¦BRUN-11 .GIF¦ 229k¦Deter beating off to a copy of Plumpers
16¦BUNNY .GIF¦ 81k¦Deter raping a cute bunny
17¦BUSTY-1 .GIF¦ 69k¦Deter touching his huge boobies
18¦BUSTY9 .GIF¦ 71k¦Todd Ahlers kicking his dog in the Boobies
19¦BUSTY_31.GIF¦ 243k¦Sylvia thompson with lung cancer
20¦BUSTY_33.GIF¦ 202k¦A dancing bowl of snot
1¦BUSTY_34.GIF¦ 145k¦*burp*
2¦BUSTY_35.GIF¦ 137k¦Cookies are good
3¦BUTTHOLE.GIF¦ 183k¦Apple pie on toast
4¦CANDY03 .GIF¦ 101k¦Roy waving his private parts around a little girl.
5¦CANDY04 .GIF¦ 110k¦Roy offering candy to a gerbil if he’ll get in his car
6¦CASS3 .GIF¦ 162k¦Jason Crews nude, taping himself to the ceiling
7¦CC-NOTOP.GIF¦ 175k¦A naked Cactus
29¦CHRISTY .GIF¦ 51k¦Christy Brinkley vaccuming the carpet.
10¦COEDS2 .GIF¦ 24k¦A picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 2 coeds
11¦COEDS3 .GIF¦ 30k¦A picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 3 coeds
12¦COEDS4 .GIF¦ 29k¦A picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 4 coeds
13¦COEDS5 .GIF¦ 31k¦A picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 5 coeds
14¦COEDS6 .GIF¦ 33k¦A picture of RedBoxChiliPepper with 6 coeds & a gerbil
15¦COURTNEY.GIF¦ 139k¦Courtney Love shooting Kirk in the head.
16¦DENISE14.GIF¦ 57k¦A girl named Denise watching a Gerbil
17¦DENISE16.GIF¦ 42k¦Denise running amok with a stick
18¦DEY-SUSA.GIF¦ 58k¦Dr. Seuss masturbating.
20¦DONA .GIF¦ 31k¦Donna scanning cordless Phones
2¦EJ1 .GIF¦ 7k¦Danny Colwell shoving a large coke up his ass
3¦FAMILY-2.GIF¦ 131k¦Deters parents screwing him
7¦FLADY001.GIF¦ 67k¦Mrs. Hagar flying down the stairs, late for work!
8¦FLADY002.GIF¦ 69k¦Deter doing filthy things with a pack of condoms
11¦GASPUMP .GIF¦ 162k¦Deter pumping gas in the ass
12¦GESS101E.GIF¦ 71k¦A gerbil working on the Telco ESS
13¦GFB051 .GIF¦ 78k¦Todd Ahlers molesting a kittycat
20¦GL#40PSL.GIF¦ 117k¦Roy’s Place, Telly speaking
1¦GL07-PSL.GIF¦ 113k¦Steve, manager of Am\Pm, next to the slurpee machine
16¦GUESS9 .GIF¦ 206k¦All asian gifs for pizza slut
18¦HOTDAY .GIF¦ 232k¦the PLA being bad in a Radio Shack
19¦HOTTEST2.GIF¦ 114k¦A picture of the sun
20¦HOTTEST4.GIF¦ 135k¦Some Naked picture
3¦JENNYBBS.GIF¦ 87k¦My hot baby jenny
15¦KATYA .GIF¦ 90k¦Katya sitting on the couch eating Pringles chips
16¦KATYA4 .GIF¦ 67k¦Erik B. touching hisself where it doesn’t feel right
12¦LOTYA .GIF¦ 24k¦Todd Ahlers stimulating himself with a phone cord.
10¦MARKIE .GIF¦ 42k¦Markie Mark & Homey G Roy getting it on
11¦MATTIE .GIF¦ 24k¦Mattie vaccuming the living room.
12¦MNRVASEX.GIF¦ 61k¦Ung
14¦MOORE02 .GIF¦ 79k¦Mary Tyler Moore eating broccli.
15¦MPOST .GIF¦ 50k¦Jason Crews standing on a post, eating denture table
19¦ORIENT3 .GIF¦ 37k¦Todd Ahlers smearing himself with Egg Foo Young
20¦ORIENT4 .GIF¦ 30k¦Lee Willie, manager of granite city radio shack
1¦ORIENT7 .GIF¦ 23k¦Ung
2¦PASSION1.GIF¦ 55k¦Bob passionately touching his farm animals.
3¦PASSION2.GIF¦ 58k¦Bob’s farm animals passionately touching each other.
4¦PASSION3.GIF¦ 55k¦He kicked my fucking ass al over the store
10¦PAULINAN.GIF¦ 79k¦Sol rosenberg and Frank Rizzo at the AT&T building
11¦PEARLS .GIF¦ 83k¦A naked pic of my dog.
12¦PIGTAIL7.GIF¦ 126k¦A naked pigtail
15¦PUSSY .GIF¦ 39k¦My kitty cat shivering after being out in the rain.
18¦SLAMMIN .GIF¦ 99k¦Woohoo! I’m naked
19¦SN1 .GIF¦ 165k¦The Bolivian Navy on Manuvers
20¦SOAPY .GIF¦ 26k¦A picture of an Oregon Relay Operator taking a bath
2¦SUZIEQ .GIF¦ 50k¦Martini
12¦TEENS3 .GIF¦ 137k¦Chris & Ryan taking a bubble bath together
13¦TEENS4 .GIF¦ 124k¦MY NAME IS ROY
14¦TONYA3 .GIF¦ 135k¦Chris & Ryan swinging fruity together
15¦TOWERS50.GIF¦ 79k¦The world trade center
16¦TRACY .GIF¦ 56k¦Deter and Danny Colwell doing bad things with popsic
17¦UNDIES .GIF¦ 64k¦My underwear on the airport carosel
18¦VANNA-W .GIF¦ 38k¦Vanna White doing her taxes.
19¦VLR5 .GIF¦ 59k¦Deter stroking a stereo
20¦VPBATH .GIF¦ 89k¦Jamie and her remote control socks
1¦WARNRCHY.GIF¦ 61k¦Yeah
3¦WET .GIF¦ 73k¦A picture of a garden hose.
4¦WHOME1 .GIF¦ 118k¦The PLA blowing up the Ameritech building
5¦WORK .GIF¦ 29k¦Artie, the strongest man in the world
6¦WORKOUT .GIF¦ 96k¦RedBoxChiliPepper raping an MCI operator
7¦XALADDIN.GIF¦ 195k¦Uh huh
8¦XMAS2 .GIF¦ 30k¦RBCP’s Christmas photo ’94.
9¦ZENA1 .GIF¦ 151k¦The PLA kidnapping Jim Bayless
4¦DENISE14.GIF¦ 57k¦A girl named Denise watching a Gerbil
5¦DENISE16.GIF¦ 42k¦Denise running amok with a stick
6¦DEY-SUSA.GIF¦ 58k¦Chris Tomkinson watching buffy the vampire slayer
7¦DONA .GIF¦ 31k¦Donna scanning cordless Phones
8¦EJ1 .GIF¦ 7k¦Kith kanan dancing the jig
9¦FLADY001.GIF¦ 67k¦Nancy Reagan giving chris the ride of his life
10¦FLADY002.GIF¦ 69k¦Ronald Reagan giving chris the ride of his life
11¦GESS101E.GIF¦ 71k¦A gerbil working on the Telco ESS
12¦GFB051 .GIF¦ 78k¦Todd Ahlers molesting a kittycat
13¦GL#40PSL.GIF¦ 117k¦Roy’s Place, Telly speaking
15¦HOTTEST2.GIF¦ 114k¦A picture of the sun
18¦KATYA .GIF¦ 90k¦Katya sitting on the couch eating Pringles chips
20¦KRAFT75 .GIF¦ 184k¦A GIF of a plate of Kraft American Cheese
1¦LORETTA .GIF¦ 168k¦Have you seen my dentures?
5¦MONKEY .GIF¦ 46k¦A monkey & a gerbil having sex
6¦MOORE02 .GIF¦ 79k¦Mary Tyler Moore eating broccli.
7¦MPOST .GIF¦ 50k¦Jason Crews standing on a post, eating denture tablets
8¦ORIENT3 .GIF¦ 37k¦Todd Ahlers smearing himself with Egg Foo Young
9¦ORIENT4 .GIF¦ 30k¦Pork fried Rice
10¦ORIENT7 .GIF¦ 23k¦soy sauce
11¦PASSION1.GIF¦ 55k¦Chris TOmkinson passionately touching his armpit
12¦PASSION2.GIF¦ 58k¦Chris Tomkinson passionately touching his mom.
13¦PASSION3.GIF¦ 55k¦Chris Tomkinson losing his lunch in the toilet
14¦PAULINAN.GIF¦ 79k¦Mr. Pauli Nan drowning in oatmeal
15¦PEARLS .GIF¦ 83k¦A naked pic of my dog.
16¦PUSSY .GIF¦ 39k¦A picture of Chris Tomkinson’s shaved pussy
17¦SOAPY .GIF¦ 26k¦A picture of an Oregon Relay Operator taking a bath
18¦SUZIEQ .GIF¦ 50k¦RBCP’s mom tied up with a lamp cord
19¦TRACY .GIF¦ 56k¦Tracy hacking on the internet
20¦VANNA-W .GIF¦ 38k¦Vanna White doing her taxes.
1¦VLR5 .GIF¦ 59k¦Ryan Grant stroking a stereo
2¦VPBATH .GIF¦ 89k¦Jamie had her remote control socks
3¦WET .GIF¦ 73k¦A picture of a garden hose.
4¦WHOME1 .GIF¦ 118k¦Mr. Beef Head
5¦WORK .GIF¦ 29k¦Artie, the strongest man in the world
6¦WORKOUT .GIF¦ 96k¦RedBoxChiliPepper raping an MCI operator
7¦XMAS2 .GIF¦ 30k¦RBCP’s Christmas photo ’94.
8¦ZENA1 .GIF¦ 151k¦Chris Tomkinson’s dad

And that’s all. Most of it isn’t understandable because they deal with private
jokes so I’ll try to enlighten those who really care. Jim Bayless is an
Ameritech employee, Chris Tomkinson is an back stabbing kind of old friend,
Danny Colwell is a thieving little shit, Ryan Grant is Chris Tomkinson’s
roommate and possible lover in college, Roy is Roy, Todd Ahlers is a person
who has the misfortune to own a telephone and Jason Crews is an uptight
little nobody who always forgets to bring the milk in, Brent Deterding (Deter)
is a little lame-o kid who everyone likes to laugh at alot and gets beat up in
school all the time and tries to use calling cards straight from his home.

“Two Phone Company Employees Charged With Assault” – associated press

OKLAHOMA CITY, OK – Two employees of Southwestern Bell are facing up to three
years in prison and fines of up to $5000 each for assaulting a local citizen.
Roy Coldwell, 29 and Darin McCall, 35, both telephone linemen for Southwestern
Bell both claim that a local resident had opened up one of their trucks while
they were sitting inside on a lunch break, grabbed a Bell hat and ran.

Coldwell, once a U.S. Olympic marathon winner soon caught up to the resident
and forced him to the ground, knocking the Bell hat out of his hands and began
to beat the resident to a bloody pulp with his lineman’s handset. McCall then
arrived on the scene, kicking the victim with his Bell issued steel toed
boots. Luckily, the event occurred in front of Rhonda’s Donut Shop and Officer
O’Mally was able to stop the employees.

Both Coldwell and McCall are being held in the Oklahoma county jail on $25,000
bond. The victim, who’s name is not yet being released, is in stable condition
and recovering at the OKCITY hospital. It is rumored that he is a member of Poi.